1. Girlfriends are never happy when boyfriends shave their heads.
2. Do not cry when your best friend tells you she has an STD.
Do you think it will make her feel better?
3. “All adventurous women have HPV.”
“Jessa has HPV. A few strains of it. She says all adventurous women do,” Shoshanna tells Hannah upon learning she has HPV. Though HPV is the most common STD in the United States, and often harmless, it shouldn’t be glorified as a badge of the adventurous.
4. Guys cannot be tested for HPV.
If you already knew, let this serve as a friendly reminder. So, if like Hannah, your current squeeze says it wasn’t him who gave you HPV and cites a clean STD test as evidence, know he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. This means it’s also a bad idea to accuse your now-gay ex-boyfriend of giving it to you.
5. Any guy with a name like “Booth Jonathan” is going to be a creep.
Says the charming Booth Jonathan to Marnie: “The first time I f*** you I might scare you a little because I’m a man and I know how to do things.”
6. Children are the future.
Their “novels” – even at just ten pages long – are so smart and sophisticated that you’ll be left lying on the ground eating string cheese and wondering where you went wrong in the last twenty years.
7. Oh come on, don’t get high and flirt with the Dad of the kid you’re babysitting for.
Not only is it kind of clichéd, it will make you feel all kinds of icky and inappropriate when the cute kid comes in and tells you she can’t sleep because you’re being too loud. Also, the Mom is going to walk in the door any second now.
8. You can always come home and tweet away your sorrows.
Even if your following:followers ratio is a sad 902:26.