1. First of all, there WILL be a holiday party at your company (roughly 86.5% chance).
2. But people will be really apathetic about it (95% chance).
A survey by jobs site Glassdoor found that only 5% of employees really cared about having a holiday party, even if there was an open bar.
3. There will be booze (80% chance).
Four out of five office holiday parties plan to serve alcoholic beverages.
4. People will get drunk more quickly than they realize (100% chance).
British scientists found that drinking at a bar or friend’s house isn’t the same as drinking at work. When you’re in a place you don’t normally associate with drinking, they found, you act more drunk.
One of the researchers explained to The Daily Mail: “When you drink in the pub, we generally have experience of that and have learned to build tolerance. As you don’t normally drink alcohol at work, you haven’t had the chance to build this tolerance.”
5. There will not be caviar and French champagne (99% chance).
Surveys have shown that while holiday parties are popular this year, they won’t be very extravagant.
6. An extramarital affair will begin (59.8% to 72.2% chance).
According to a survey from Ashley Madison (the “dating” site for married people who want to cheat), 72.2% of women and 59.8% of men who have cheated on their spouses with a coworker say it started at the office holiday party.
7. The party will take place at lunch (43% chance).
Only a third of parties will take place in the evening, while 43% will be lunch affairs. The remaining quarter of festivities will then take place at other times — like on a weekend or, if your company’s particularly awkward, in the morning.