1. DO: Wear a sequin hat.
Bonus points if your sequins are extra-textured.
2. DON’T: Wear a Harley Davidson t-shirt.
This is a horse race, not a motorcycle rally.
3. DO: Bring a parasol!
I definitely thought parasols were retired in the 1800s. Not so!
4. DON’T: Place a bet without having any idea what you’re doing.
You’ll probably just lose $10, as I did.
5. DO: Place bets based on the jockey with the best outfit.
You have no idea what you’re doing anyway. May as well make this fun.
6. DON’T: Sit up in the fancy snobby area.
You’re far from the horses.
7. DO: Wear a fascinator or a huge hat.
Kate Middleton’s influence spans worldwide. If not here, where else?
The hat display was frankly, a bit disappointing. Luckily, I spotted this one on the way out.
8. DON’T: Wear a horse tie.
9. DO: Wear a bro-tie.
Bro-tie = a bowtie for bros. In pink, of course!
10. DON’T: Wear a camouflage hat.
With all the loud and bright colors, blending in to the background really shouldn’t be your style M.O.
11. DO: Wear a seersucker suit or madras pants.
If there’s one place to wear such items without being ridiculed, you’re looking right at it. Go all out.
12. DON’T: Shop at the Vineyard Vines Trunk Show right outside the track.
You have more important things to do than shop at this thing. Like…