13 Dos And Don’ts For Attending A Kentucky Horse Race

I spent a Friday afternoon at the Keeneland track in Kentucky — an enclave of parasols, bowties, and sequin hats.

1. DO: Wear a sequin hat.

Bonus points if your sequins are extra-textured.

2. DON’T: Wear a Harley Davidson t-shirt.

This is a horse race, not a motorcycle rally.

3. DO: Bring a parasol!

I definitely thought parasols were retired in the 1800s. Not so!

4. DON’T: Place a bet without having any idea what you’re doing.

You’ll probably just lose $10, as I did.

5. DO: Place bets based on the jockey with the best outfit.

You have no idea what you’re doing anyway. May as well make this fun.

6. DON’T: Sit up in the fancy snobby area.

You’re far from the horses.

7. DO: Wear a fascinator or a huge hat.

Kate Middleton’s influence spans worldwide. If not here, where else?

The hat display was frankly, a bit disappointing. Luckily, I spotted this one on the way out.

8. DON’T: Wear a horse tie.

9. DO: Wear a bro-tie.

Bro-tie = a bowtie for bros. In pink, of course!

10. DON’T: Wear a camouflage hat.

With all the loud and bright colors, blending in to the background really shouldn’t be your style M.O.

11. DO: Wear a seersucker suit or madras pants.

If there’s one place to wear such items without being ridiculed, you’re looking right at it. Go all out.

12. DON’T: Shop at the Vineyard Vines Trunk Show right outside the track.

You have more important things to do than shop at this thing. Like…

13. DO: Visit the Bourbon Bar.

Stand in the sun and enjoy.