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10 Lessons From Last Night’s Episode Of "Girls"

Including: the best ways to kill time before your abortion, what not to say in a job interview, and more.

1. Orange Gatorade is the worst kind of Gatorade.

This wasn’t so much “something I learned” as it was a welcome statement of fact — thing that finally needed to be said on television. After a particularly hard-to-watch sex scene, Adam offers Hannah a Gatorade. “What flavor?” she asks. “Orange,” he says. At this point, she declines. As I would have! Who drinks Orange Gatorade? Gross.

2. How and when to use a “Manifestation Board.”

Says Shoshanna: “I use it for inspiration, like when I’m not feeling inspired, I just look at the board.”

3. We all do embarrassing Google searches.

4. Really! You’re not alone.

5. Don’t tell your friends they are “The Ladies.”

In a heated discussion on a park bench, Shoshanna pulls out a self-help book that dispenses dating advice for “the ladies.” “But who are ‘the ladies?’” Hannah asks. I’m a lady, she’s a lady, you’re a lady, we’re the ladies,” argues Shoshanna. “I’m not the ladies,” says Jessa. Are YOU the ladies? Who can say for sure?

Lesson: Best not to tell people they’re part of some vague cultural group. Especially if they’re angsty hipsters who are having nearly constant identity crises.

6. Don’t say, “Dates are for lesbians.”

What is Jessa trying to prove when she says, “If I wanted to go on some dates, I would, but they’re for lesbians”? Is she trying to show she’s tough and emotionless and wants to screw guys in broad daylight in dive bar bathrooms? Is she saying dates – and the chivalry that goes along with them – are something only girls want? No matter what she’s going for here, she ends up sounding juvenile and miserable! Don’t say things like this!

7. It’s okay to be a little joke-y in a job interview.

“I should also say I’m responsible, decisive and all the other qualities you’re weirdly allowed to name in a job interview,” Hannah says. The interviewer laughs and replies, “I think the only other place you’re allowed to brag like that is your online dating profile.” They’re totally hitting it off!

8. Except not if the jokes are about date rape.

When the interviewer tells Hannah he went to college at Syracuse, she says, “I heard a statistic that Syracuse has the highest incidence of date rape of any university. Which weirdly went way down the year that you graduated…[awkward pause]…That was just a joke because I was saying that there was no more date rape because they figured out who it was that was doing it and it was you.”

The interviewer’s face here pretty much says it all.

9. Office phones are actually an effective method of communication.

Of all the ways to reach someone – cell phone, text, email, GChat, few 23-year-olds I know would think to call a friend on their office line. That said, it’s not a horrible way to get in touch, and looks far better than yapping on your iPhone at your desk.

10. A great way to avoid the unpleasantness of your scheduled abortion is to go to a bar in broad daylight and pretend you’re The Big Lebowski.

Order a White Russian. Optional: Make out with a stranger in the bathroom.

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