24 Things You'll Remember If You Used To Visit Camelot Theme Park

    Did you take the piss out of Puff Dragon?

    Hilary Mitchell
    by Hilary Mitchell

    BuzzFeed Staff, UK

    1. Feeling like an actual goddamn Knight of the Round Table as you approached the entrance to the park.

    Flickr: coastermadmatt

    It was definitely an accurate representation of a medieval castle, right down to the plastic sign and Walls ice cream branded bins.

    2. Trying to pull the sword from the stone, even though you knew it was impossible.

    3. Getting your free map, and having an intense debate about which ride to go on first.

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    It was always the water rides, so you could spend the rest of the day "drying off". But you never did dry off because you were in the North West and it was freezing.

    4. Going on the caterpillar ride by the main gates even though you knew you were a bit too old.

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    It was actually pretty good fun, especially when you went through the big apple. But it wasn't very King Arthury. They should have stuck a dragon's head on it.

    5. Losing your breakfast on Excalibur 2.

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    There was always some kid who lost a shoe as well, in fact it basically rained vomit and valuables. It was definitely one you steered well clear of.

    6. And losing your lunch on The Rack, which was basically just a giant tumble drier.

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    The soundtrack to this video clip is just horrified screaming.

    7. Sitting at the back of the Dragon Coaster so you weren't overcome by diesel fumes.

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    No other theme park in the world has an engine-powered roller coaster, probably because it isn't a very good idea.

    8. Feeling like you were going to fall out of the dinghy while getting drenched on Pendragon's Plunge.

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    It definitely felt more like the sort of ride you should wear a swimming costume to go on; not all your clothes.

    9. Trying to feed the animals in Squire Bumpkin's Farm, even though you weren't supposed to.

    Flickr: coastermadmatt

    "Do you want some of my overpriced Calippo, Moses?"

    10. Realising your childhood was at an end the first time you laughed at Puff Dragon's name.

    Flickr: coastermadmatt

    "Greetings children and gentlefolk. I am Puff Dragon, do not be afraid." Lollll.

    11. And laughing at this no matter how old you were:

    Flickr: coastermadmatt

    12. Going on Falcon's Flight with your whole family because it was sedate enough for everyone.

    Flickr: minnellium / BuzzFeed

    "Oh, what a lovely view." – Your nan.

    13. Riding this weird carousel, but not questioning why you were sitting in a cartoon guy's crotch at the time.

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    What's wrong with horses, Camelot?

    14. Racing your friends on the Go Kart Track and feeling like a Formula One legend.

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    And trying to crash into them as much as possible too, obviously. That's how F1 works, right?

    15. Clambering through here while your exhausted relatives ate lunch at the food court.

    16. Going on Kingdom In The Clouds just to laugh at all the people getting soaked on Pendragon's Plunge.

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    Even though that literally just happened to you and you went on it to dry off.

    17. Shitting your pants when Knightmare went into that 5G nose dive.

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    And feeling like a seatbelt definitely wasn't enough to hold you in. Could they not afford those massive collar things they have at other theme parks?

    18. Or, if you visited before 2000, having an equally pant-shitting time on The Tower of Terror.

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    It definitely lived up to its name: The pitch-dark loop inside the castle was terrifying. Plus, like Knightmare, it also had a distinct lack of safety harnesses.

    19. Getting your photo taken as King Arthur, Guinevere, or some other random character.

    Glenys Riley / BuzzFeed

    And then never, ever looking at it again.

    20. Or getting your photo taken with a bird of prey.

    Flickr: boblinsdell / Creative Commons

    Held by a Chorley teenager dressed in wizard robes and questioning his life choices.

    21. Insisting your parents buy you a plastic knight's helmet and sword from the gift shop.

    Hilary Mitchell / BuzzFeed

    Even though you had two at home already, and you could buy them from any toy shop on Earth for much less.

    22. Or literally any number of other bits of tat, like rulers, pens, and plastic keyrings.

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    The fridge magnets were pretty cool though.

    23. Being genuinely impressed and excited by the jousting show.

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    It was legitimately cool and well done, like a Chorley-based Game of Thrones.

    24. And, of course, booing the Black Knight as loudly as possible, because you were convinced he was evil.

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    Just look at that sinister red flag. He was definitely the Joffrey of Charnock Richard.

    R.I.P. Camelot (1983 – 2012). Gone, but not forgotten.