We Asked 25 Non Scots To React To Scottish Things And It Was Deeply Hilarious

"All Scottish weddings end with the bride and groom having their faces melt off to the sound of terrible screams."

We sent 11 uncaptioned photos of traditional Scottish activities, foods, and events to BuzzFeed offices in Mexico, New York, Russia, Washington DC, Canada, Brazil, and London, and asked them to write down the first thing that came into their heads. Twenty-five people replied. This is what they said:

1. The Scottish Coal Race.

Facebook: KeltyCoalRace

Every year in Kelty, Fife, people sign up to race 1km through the town centre carrying a sack of coal. Men carry a 50kg sack, while women carry 25kg.

Paul (Canada): I don't know what this woman did to be forced to carry the Sack of Shame while being exiled from her village, but I'm sure it was very serious.

John (Washington, DC): I can't believe there are at least 75 people in Scotland willing to run with a sack of coal.

Hannah (London): This woman has committed a crime and this is just how the criminal justice system works in Scotland.

Julia (New York): This is how garbage is collected in Scotland. It takes a really long time and uses a lot of resources, but all of the people in the towns have a really fun time cheering their garbage collectors.

Rebecca (London): This looks like an extremely effective way to move coal, actually. I don't have any better ideas. Well done, Scotland.

2. Tossing the caber.

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A caber toss is a traditional Scottish Highland Games event that involves throwing a 5.94m tall pole as far as possible.

Dan (London): That's a regular-sized branch, but a very tiny man.

Rebecca (London): Solid Tinder photo.

Gustavo (Mexico): Is this some kind of mating ritual?

Chris (New York): Ten minutes into "giant lumber-penis and chill" and he gives you this look.

Paul (London): I am 100% pro-this. I hope it's somewhat mandatory for everyone to have a go at this at least once. Can I have a go at this?

3. Climbing the greasy pole at the Marymass Festival.

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This event in the Ayrshire town of Irvine sees teams of young men compete to climb to the top of a greased pole to retrieve a large ham wrapped in bin bags.

Saj (New York): Dude lost his phone so he pinged it with "Find My iPhone" and it was on top of that pole.

Dan (London): This is an average day in Scottish parliament, where greased-up politicians aim to reach the top of the pole first in order to be in charge for the day.

Paul (Canada): I had no idea Scottish pole-dancing was so intense.

Jordan (London): The Highlands receive electricity for the first time.

Alex (London): Is this a sex thing?

4. The Moffat Sheep Race.

Michael McGurk / REX Shutterstock

The Moffat sheep race is an annual event in the Scottish Borders, where sheep are raced down the main street with knitted jockeys tied to their backs.

Juliana (Brazil): This is too much. Can we have this at home? Please, say we can!

Chris (London): A guy in a suit chasing sheep...can he not afford a dog?

Hannah (London): This is a political tradition in which each sheep represents a public service, and whoever wins the race gets extra funding. It's looking good for NHS Scotland this year.

Saj (New York): All the sheep jockeys appear to be dead or unconscious.

Alex (London): Is this also a sex thing?

5. A Scottish Highland dancing competition.

Flickr: awcphoto / Creative Commons

Highland dance is a form of competitive solo dancing dating back to the 19th century, usually performed to bagpipe music.

Kristofer (New York): This is the real Hunger Games. Each girl comes from a different village to represent all of Scotland...they will dance for their lives. Also, can we just talk about the determination on girl 578's face?

Victor (Russia): It's the "National Best Number Higher Than 500" competition.

Natalya (London): Is this a recreation of that t.A.T.u video?

Hannah (London): This is a competition in which two children are judged by their ability to tolerate the sound of bagpipes. Whoever runs away in tears first is sent away to England.

John (Washington, DC): Ah, the rare use of bagpipes to call an auction.

6. The address to a haggis.

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Every Burns supper starts with an enthusiastic reading of the Rabbie Burns poem "Address to a Haggis" before the haggis is cut with a silver knife.

Morenike (London): This is what a Scottish man must do before every meal: tenderise his thighs to better absorb that digested food.

Paul (Canada): Scotland takes "the drunk uncle at family dinner" thing to a whole new level.

Dan (London): This is a traditional Scottish greeting exchanged between men in the pub. This is only acceptable if you are a Scot. Tourists attempting the "Scot's Greeting" will be met with disdain and indecipherable grumbles.

Victor (Russia): Is this a meat auction?

Alexis (New York): There is a glass of scotch on the table? And a microphone? Is this Scottish parliament? Is this how the government happens?

7. Up Helly Aa.

AFP / Getty Images

Up Helly Aa is a Viking-themed fire festival that takes place annually in Lerwick, Shetland, to commemorate the island's Norse heritage.

Dan: (London): This is an average Tuesday, with proud locals commuting to work. The sun doesn't rise in Scotland between September and June, so locals carry torches to light their way during "the long night".

Sarah (New York): Is this on HBO?

Rebecca (London): Are these men walking on water? Because there is clearly a ship behind them. If so, well done on keeping fire lit whilst in water.

Alexis (New York): ALL HAIL THE KING IN THE NORTH. ALL HAIL THE KING IN THE NORTH. ALL HAIL THE KING IN THE NORTH.

Paul (London): This looks suspiciously like the most excellent Lewes Bonfire, which is at the other end of the country. It is therefore also most excellent.

8. The Loony Dook.

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People in Edinburgh jump into the Firth of Forth on 1 January each year, sometimes for charity, sometimes because they're still drunk and it seems like a good idea.

Chris (New York): Survivors from the "dumb costume boat" wreckage clamber to shore.

Hannah (London): This is part of a government programme to scare kids straight about the dangers of alcohol.

Juliana (Brazil): Is this a very watery Halloween party?

Chris (London): I know this one! This is the Loony Dook, when you attempt to get rid of your New Year's Day hangover by diving into the freezing Firth of Forth. Seconds after this photo is taken is when everyone starts chundering from a combination of cold shock and alcohol poisoning.

Natalya (London): I don't know what is going on but it looks very cold and I salute all these hardy Scottish people.

9. A traditional clootie dumpling.

Flickr: riggott / Creative Commons

This is a traditional pud made with flour, dried fruit, suet and sugar, which is bound up tightly in a cloth (cloot) and then boiled.

Paul (Canada): This is a Scottish practical joke where as soon as you poke this with your fork it explodes and sheep innards fly everywhere. Very popular at children's birthday parties.

Gustavo (Mexico): This is one of those animals only found in Australia that somehow managed to reach Scotland.

Dan (London): This is a deep-fried Scottish hat, a tam o' shanter, which is a local delicacy. Available at chip shops across the land.

Julia (New York): Fart pie.

Hannah (London): This is pure sadness. "Hey Mum, what's for dinner?" "Sadness."

10. People dancing to "Auld Lang Syne".

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"Auld Lang Syne" is a traditional folk song by Robert Burns. It's sung at Hogmanay, accompanied by a dance where participants cross their arms and hold hands.

Alexis (New York): Is this the Red Wedding?

Rebecca (London): A very practical rave, in which people have been given name tags so when they're off their tits, they don't forget who they are. Good thinking, Scotland.

Julia (New York): You can't trick me, this is a Bat Mitzvah.

Dan (London): These are desperate Scots forming a human chain across the Borders region to prevent a visit from David Cameron.

Hannah (London): All Scottish weddings end with the bride and groom having their faces melt off to the sound of terrible screams.

11. Scottish Backhold wrestling.

Flickr: leith / Creative Commons

Scottish Backhold wrestling is a traditional Highland Games event. Wrestlers start each bout by gripping each other around the waist at the back.

Rebecca (London): This is a Scottish Strictly Come Dancing audition. Probably.

Chris (London): Is this the first day of T in the Park?

Alexis (New York): Oof that's a little close for comfort. Too close. Almost saw a willy there. Oh no. Oh dear.

Hannah (London): These men are clearly flashing their willies at England.

Alex (London): OK this one is definitely a sex thing.