Period Math - Math For Women, By Women

No mathematicians or anyone with any sort of advanced knowledge in math contributed to this post!

The Period Spectrum

Get any group of girls together any where in the world and I can guarantee the topic of periods will come up. Not the nitty gritty details of a period but a general discussion on where they currently are on the Period Spectrum. It seems that (unless you are on the pill and know when you are due) most girls have to use some form of "Period Math" to figure out what level they are at. Even though we only get our period ONCE a month you will see how it's basically on our minds the WHOLE TIME!!

The Period Spectrum has 5 levels. This is not scientific by any means but none the less it is something we all do.

Here are the 5 levels of the Period Spectrum and how we use period math!

To avoid having to use the word period a million times...I will now refer to it as the "gift" just as our mothers told us it would be when we were pre-teens!

Level 1 - Currently on the "gift"

This is pretty self explanatory. These women are currently on their "gift". When you are on Level 1 the only math you do is the countdown until the end of your "gift". Most girls will mark the start and finish in a calendar or some sort of "gift" app on the phone ( these apps will most likely be hidden in a folder labeled as news or utilities so that no one can find it)

Level 2 - Finished...Kinda

This is the level right after you have finished your "gift" but you are just giving it a few extra days just to be sure. This level isn't terrible and we are usually back to normal but this a grey area and we can't exactly celebrate just yet! The only math you need for this level is to calculate how long your "gift" was and when you can stop wearing your "gift" panties!

Level 3 - The BEST WEEK EVER!!!

This is the greatest week on the "Gift Spectrum" because we don't have to think about our "gifts" at all!! Absolutely NO MATH is required at all for this week. Get out your best panties and your whitest pants! This is the best time for a girl, however, whilst we are enjoying this "freedom" we usually have another friend who is currently on 1 of the other levels so we can't brag too much!

Level 4 - Not quite in the "danger zone" but getting ready for it

THIS is where you need to use your best "gift" math skills. This is just after THE BEST WEEK EVER and heading towards the worst week. You need to start stocking up on chocolate and girly movies and whatever else you need. This is the week where if anyone asks you to make plans you hesitate and, using your best math skills, quickly try to calculate which level you will be at...there is no room for error at this level!!

Level 5 - The Danger Zone!!!

Ok this is the danger zone. This is where your "Period Math" will fail you. Lets say you have marked down when you started and finished your "gift" and used your own "gift" calculations to figure out when your next "gift" will start...if only it was this easy. This week will be all about waiting for it. You will avoid wearing white pants and anything tight. You will feel bloated, uncomfortable and will usually be really crampy. The sudden rage and the bouts of "my life is over" crying will soon all make sense when you find yourself back at Level 1 on the awesome "Period Spectrum"