As of last year, beards were officially back in vogue. This was probably thanks to the 2013 Oscars, where George Clooney and Ben Affleck were poster boys for the instant man points scored with the simple addition of facial hair - women think you look hot, children assume you’re a figure of authority and other men are intimidated by this glaring proof of your high testosterone levels.
And so it was that many mere mortal men threw aside their razors and decided to jump on the beardy bandwagon. And we agreed - you did look sexier, more mature even, and we welcomed this new beardy era with open arms.
But, the problem being, many of you haven’t picked up a razor since.
And now, in January 2014, even Prince Harry - member of the Royal family, no less - has a beard that is verging on shaggy. And it shows no signs of being shaun any time soon.
Harry: still hairy.
Now, us women understand the macho properties of realising that you’re able to grow hair on your face, and then seeing it keep growing, we really do. But we’re beginning to worry - will you ever stop?
Or are you all going to end up like this?
Of course, there are plenty of beardy hipster guys who’ve been doing this for years, thinking it would remain just “their thing”, and they had a sense of underground allure because of it.
Like this guy: Ricki Hall
He rocks a beard, mainly because he’s a tattooed model.
But now you can’t cram your way onto the a tube carriage of a morning without having five men bearing beards of epic, and frankly ridiculous, proportions trying to avoid engulfing you in a hairy smog. Yup, your oversized beards are totally mainstream, boys.
And it’s not like Movember, it’s no joke. There’s no beard today, understated stubble tomorrow situation.
So this is our plea - go ahead and ride on the wave that is your elevated sense of manliness, but please, please reach for a beard trimmer. That’s one of these:
And that means it’s too long.
And bear in mind your poor friends who cannot grow anything more than a small smattering of downy stubble, who are left looking naked faced. Where’s your sense of solidarity?
So how about we make visible jawlines the new trend? We miss your strong, manly jaws. And even sexier than running your fingers through your long beard (not sexy) is this:
Being able to see your face.
Thanks in advance,