1. We will be able to run faster.
The zombie apocalypse happened when we were wearing flats because we always wear flats. (Team this with a backpack and you are ready to carry supplies, hunt zombies, or hide in a pub depending on what film you’re basing your life on.)
2. We’re used to cramped spaces for extended periods of time.
We can out-hide even the most patient zombie, legroom or no legroom.
3. We’re way better at adapting.
When we loot the shoe shop for supplies they only have size 7s we will MacGyver an alternative.
4. Our looting technique will be fast and practical.
Since we never found jeans long enough we never expect to. We grab whatever and go. They’ll think we just like cut-offs.
5. Doorways, jeans, shoes: nothing fits and we’re used to it.
ILL-FITTING SHOES IS WHAT CREATED THE X-MEN. I mean I’m pretty sure.
6. We can win an argument simply by standing up.
We will be appointed leaders of our respective groups because no one will want to fight us.
7. The reason no one wants to fight us is because we fight like this.
8. We are boss level pro when it comes to ducking, which is useful in warfare, probably.
If you’ve ever walked down Oxford Street in the rain you’ve either lost an eye or developed Matrix-style umbrella avoidance tactics.
9. We can always see approaching enemies because our heads are basically periscopes.
Transferable Glastonbury skills.
10. Futurama predicted the future and in that future we rule our own island (sort of).
Ignore this point if you are a dude. Just don’t think about it.
ALSO: Jeff Goldblum made a film about us.
Jeff Goldblum made films about tall guys and flies and flies have survived for millions of years so by that maths we’re going to be totally fine.