1. They never support your dreams of heading the sickest breakdancing crew.
Why do you guys always have to pop-and-block my dreams?!
2. They should, like, ask before they borrow your hair spray.
3. They can’t accept that disco isn’t going to happen again. Stop trying to make disco happen again.
4. You asked for the new Flava Flav album and your dad gets you an REO Speedwagon tape instead.
Musicians who don’t wear comically oversized clocks around their necks are not true musicians.
5. And when you asked for a fresh pair of Adidas and they got you… Zips. Grody.
Because it’s 1986 and I only wear shoes that Run-D.M.C. has rapped about thank you very much.
6. They told you that you own too many pairs of leg warmers.
Yeah, well, when winter rolls around and all your long underwear is in the dirty laundry guess who won’t be lending you their spare leg warmers.
7. And they make you wear your sister’s hand-me-down acid wash jeans instead of buying you new ones.
Okay so maybe you can’t afford Gloria Vanderbilt but maybe you could at least splurge on some Chic?!
8. They won’t accept that hair metal is here to stay whether they like it or not.
Night Ranger, Enuff Z’nuff, Mother Love Bone — learn these names well, for they are your new kings.
9. They just laugh when you tell them that headbands and shoulder pads are never going out of style.
10. They keep telling you that “Jazzercise” isn’t a real word.
YOU’RE NOT A REAL WORD, MOM.
11. And that three meals of Big League Chew does not constitute a healthy diet.
We’ll try to work some Smurfberry Crunch in there at the very least.
12. They’re always hogging the TV right when Jem is about to start.
That is truly outrageous, dad. Truly outrageous indeed.
13. And they won’t let you get a real dog, so you have to settle for Pound Puppies instead.
I mean, okay, there might be worse things in the world.
They might not get you, but hey, they’re still your family.
Spend some quality time with The Goldbergs. they totally premieres Tuesday Sept. 24th on ABC!