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13 Places Where Southerners Don’t Want You To Vacation

Just gorgeous, y’all. But don’t all go rushin’ down there at once, or no one will ask y’all to come back now, y’hear? Then for a different tour of the South, tune in to Party Down South Thursdays at 10/9 C.

1. North Carolina’s Outer Banks

Steve Dunwell / The Image Bank / Getty Images

Pretty much everything you’d want in a vacation: surfing, lounging, and a delightfully relaxed southern way of life.

2. Lake Fausse Pointe State Park, LA

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Ain’t no space for y’all to gaze off into these glades while we doin’ it first, y’all.

3. Barton Springs and Hamilton Pool in Austin, TX

Lars Plougmann / CC BY-SA 2.0 / Flickr: criminalintent

BrandonLord / CC BY-ND 2.0 / Flickr: 95508982@N06

 

A year-round supply of 70-degree, relaxing water. Y’all can look, but y’all don’t touch, nah.

4. Pisgah National Park’s sliding rocks in North Carolina

Coryn Wolk / CC BY 2.0 / Flickr: backwards_dog

A nature-made water slide full of cool spring water, but you can also see how long the line is without you on it too… so… don’t go.

5. Muscle Shoals, AL

John Coletti / Photolibrary / Getty Images

No, y’all don’t need to know anything about Hellen Keller or soak in the ambiance that produced a colossal amount of sixties and seventies music, including Aretha Franklin’s first hit. Huge waste of time.

6. Marfa, TX

Claire L. Evans / CC BY-ND 2.0 / Flickr: astro-dudes

From the lights to the Prada store to the nicest people y’all’ll ever meet… it’s bad, don’t go.

7. The Kentucky Bourbon Trail

Walter Bibikow / Photolibrary / Getty Images

Eight distilleries within 80 miles of each other? We don’t want you down ‘round Lexington because we already called dibs on all these barrels.

8. Bahia Honda State Park in Florida

ideeone / E+ / Getty Images

Most people drive through it to get to Key West… and that’s perfect. Keep on drivin’.

9. The Mississippi Delta

VisionsofAmerica / Joe Sohm / Photodisc / Getty Images

The ending point of America’s greatest North–South freshwater river. The origin of American music. The waters that inspired a thousand Great American novels. Nah, y’all don’t need to see it.

10. Florida’s Weeki Wachee River

 

Where the water’s perfectly clear and on most days you’ll usually paddle past a manatee. Which, y’all know — new rumor alert — are full of enough radioactivity to cause serious medical complications in onlookers so don’t look on them.

11. Gulf Shores, AL

W. Drew Senter / Longleaf Photography / Moment Open / Getty Images

With a massive beach, 10 different golf courses, deep-sea fishing, dolphin watching, and a delightful little zoo, there’s nothing to see here, keep movin’.

12. Boone Hall Plantation, SC

Daniela Duncan / Moment Photography / Getty Images

How do you even say no walking under those gorgeous bowing trees? (By saying no because we told you to. Stop and stare, walk away or beware.)

13. Florida’s Emerald Coast, AKA The Redneck Riviera

Romona Robbins Photography / Getty Images

This here’s Destin, but that beautiful sand’s hotter’n the devil on an August Friday night in the French Quarter, y’all, so definitely save y’all’s time and go to Canada or somethin’ instead.

But for a colorful tour of the south, watch along as the cast of Party Down South season 2 hits all the highlights.

Clear your calendar on Thursdays at 10/9 C.

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