1. “I have a headache”
I must be dehydrated.
I must have a brain tumor.
2. “My groin itches”
I should shower or get some sort of powder.
I have an STD and will never produce children.
3. “My stomach is killing me.”
I should not have had that burrito.
What side is my appendix on?
4. “Ohh boy, my eye itches”
Excuse me. Can you blow in my eye?
I AM GOING BLIND. MY CONTACT MIGHT BE BEHIND MY EYE.
5. “My throat is so sore today”
Can you pick me up some cough drops at the store?
I have narrowed it down to mono, tonsillitis, and gangrene.
6. “My period is 3 minutes late”
What time is Wheel of Fortune on?
Do you think I got pregnant from that Starbucks toilet seat?
- Thai police arrested a man alleged to have explosives in his possession, almost two weeks after a deadly bomb blast in Bangkok killed 20 people. ›
- A Harris County, Texas, sheriff's deputy was ambushed Friday night when a man walked up and repeatedly shot him from behind. ›
- Dominica Prime Minister Roosevelt Skerrit said that Tropical Storm Erika killed 20 people there, and set the island back 20 years from the damage. ›