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Hypochondriacs VS Non-Hypochondriacs

Real life troubles of a hypochondriac.

1. “I have a headache”

Non-Hypochondriacs
I must be dehydrated.

Hypochondriacs
I must have a brain tumor.

2. “My groin itches”

Non-Hypochondriacs
I should shower or get some sort of powder.

Hypochondriac
I have an STD and will never produce children.

3. “My stomach is killing me.”

Non-Hypochondriac
I should not have had that burrito.

Hypochondriac
What side is my appendix on?

4. “Ohh boy, my eye itches”

Non-Hypochondriac
Excuse me. Can you blow in my eye?

Hypochondriac
I AM GOING BLIND. MY CONTACT MIGHT BE BEHIND MY EYE.

5. “My throat is so sore today”

Non-Hypochondriac
Can you pick me up some cough drops at the store?

Hypochondriac
I have narrowed it down to mono, tonsillitis, and gangrene.

6. “My period is 3 minutes late”

Non-Hypochondriac
What time is Wheel of Fortune on?

Hypochondriac
Do you think I got pregnant from that Starbucks toilet seat?

7. “Let me check Web MD”

Non-Hypochondriac
Ill just check here. I don’t want to go to the doctor.

Hypochondriac
Time of death 4:23pm.

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