1. The Farter
Someone here loves Chipotle, despite their clear intolerance to spicy food.
You can either run, or take advantage of the situation and take the place of the wusses who give up, getting closer to the stage.
2. The Rioter
Forget about music! The rioter is there just to pick a fight with someone. The littlest thing will get him started, so try to steer clear before you get your night ruined.
3. The Pervert
This one doesn’t really need an explanation, does it? While you’ll be feeling the excitement, the joy and the energy, he or she will be feeling…up something else. Like your buttocks.
4. The Stinker
At first you’ll be unable to say if it’s someone near you or if the hamburger stall is going pretty heavy on onions, but soon you’ll identify the culprit. Showering isn’t an option, or a special treat for important occasions or family dinners. PLEASE. Do it. Deodorant is also strongly recommended.
5. The Mosher
Black Sabbath, Black Keys, Bon Iver, Mumford and Sons: for the Mosher it makes no difference, any kind of music is good enough for slamdancing.
6. The Snoggers
There’s nothing more beautiful than a young love. Except when you can see meters of tongue twirling and coiling a few inches from your face, and the music is drowned out by the noise of what seems to be a Saint Bernard licking his bowl.
Take a room, people!
7. The Spiller
This brave soldier wants to face the turbulent crowd head on, with a beer full to the brim in each hand. You admire the courage, but half of that amber-colored nectar will end up on someone. Probably you. Drink up before you go!
8. The Careless Smoker
You don’t care if someone smokes, as long as their cigarette doesn’t burn a hole in your clothes — or worse, in your skin.
9. The Hater
An endless series of harsh words and criticism. You’ll wonder why they bothered to come in the first place. The more dauntless specimens of Hater will also dare to share their opinion with you (of course in the middle of your favorite song) and will be startled by your disagreement. STFU or stay at home!
10. The Nonstop Chatter
You too have been to a concert just for the company. Your friends are all going, they’ve got an extra ticket, you don’t know the band but who cares? It’ll be fun!
But once there, you don’t spend the whole night chatting with your friends, slightly annoyed by the volume because it forces you to talk really loudly.
So, why other people do that? WHY?
11. The Beer-Sweater
Yes, beer-sweating is a thing. It happens when the level of beer in the body is so high it must be expelled somehow. Nobody likes sweating. Getting someone else’s sweat on your skin is bad enough when they don’t smell like a brewery.
12. The Screamer
You can’t hear anything because THERE’S SOMEONE SCREAMING LIKE AN OVEREXCITED GIRL RIGHT IN YOUR EAR. Not just when the band come on stage. Or when a song is over. Or when the frontman takes off his shirt. But ALL THE TIME.
Oh, look, it is a overexcited girl. WELL, TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH, MISSY.
13. The Blogger
If it’s not on Instagram, it never happened. So the Blogger is obliged to make a full photo shoot with her tablet (because a smartphone isn’t big enough).
The big, bright screen will be all you can see — but the worst will come when the enthusiastic Blogger will turn to take selfies. You’ll secretly hope for their iPads to fall down and break into a million pieces.
14. The Backpacker
A backpack is often the best choice when going to a concert. You’ll be able to enjoy your night out hands-free. But we’re talking about a small backpack. Just for the essential stuff. Somehow you’ll find next to you someone with a fully packed camping backpack. What the hell do they have in there?
15. The Lion King
You are the first one to appreciate healthy, voluminous, shiny hair. But when the owner of that beautiful mane repeatedly whips it in your face, you might want to scalp her/him. Subspecies: Dreadlocks King.
16. The Fashionista
Usually a girl, she’ll wear high heels, a little dress, designer sunglasses. In her hands, a small clutch. Maybe she’s there by mistake? This creature will raise in you mixed feelings, until one of her stiletto heels pierces your foot. Then you’ll be filled with nothing but wrath. Fashionistas can often turn out to be Fashion Bloggers.
17. The Annoying Elderly
Your parents can’t even tell apart David Bowie from David Guetta, let alone go to a gig. So it’s nice and refreshing seeing people the age of your granny in the crowd! How cute! Until they start complaining about everything. Too many people. Not enough space. Too hot. Too cold. Too loud. Youngsters drinking. Or smoking. Or moving. Or breathing.
All these Close Encounters of the Third Kind really happened. People, beware.