How Punny Are You, Actually?

So you think you’re tons of pun? GEICO has a good list you should probably check.

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  1. Check off all the ones you laugh at.
    1. 1 I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
    2. 2 I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. And then it hit me.
    3. 3 Normally I don’t get airplane humor. The jokes are over my head.
    4. 4 I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.
    5. 5 I’ve never taken an elevator to the basement floor. That’s just beneath me.
    6. 6 Puns about monorails always make for decent one-liners.
    7. 7 If towels could tell jokes, I bet their sense of humor would be very dry.
    8. 8 I’ve been to the dentist a few times, so I know the drill.
    9. 9 To the guy who invented zero: thanks for nothing.
    10. 10 I used to be a carpenter, but then I got board.
    11. 11 The math professor went nuts on the blackboard. He really did a number on it.
    12. 12 A horse is a very stable animal.
    13. 13 I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt, but then it clicked.
    14. 14 When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked!
    15. 15 I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
    16. 16 Do I ever make chemistry jokes? Periodically.
    17. 17 I don’t trust people who use graph paper. They’re always plotting something!
    18. 18 Why do teenage girls hang out in odd numbers? Because they can’t even.
    19. 19 The other day a clown opened the door for me. It was a nice jester.
    20. 20 The coffee tasted like mud, because it was just ground a few minutes ago.
    21. 21 The indecisive rower couldn’t choose either oar.
    22. 22 Being a garbageman is the best job in any economy. Business is always picking up.
    23. 23 Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
    24. 24 Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
    25. 25 The dog has a lot of potential. You just have to unleash it.
    26. 26 What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
    27. 27 Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny!
    28. 28 A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.
    29. 29 A backwards poet writes inverse.
    30. 30 Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.
    31. 31 What kind of animal always has buck teeth? A male deer.
    32. 32 The angry bird took off from his perch on the doorknob. He really flew off the handle.
    33. 33 I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
    34. 34 Velcro: what a rip-off!
    35. 35 Where does an elephant go for skin care? The pachydermatologist.
    36. 36 I was addicted to the hokey-pokey, but I turned myself around.
    37. 37 What’s a cow cutting your grass by eating it? A lawn mooer.
    38. 38 How was the blind date between two predatory birds? Hawkward.
    39. 39 This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
    40. 40 Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings too!
    41. 41 How do you make antifreeze? You steal her blanket.
    42. 42 How do you organize a space party? You planet.
    43. 43 Ancient orators tend to Babylon.
    44. 44 I dropped my pork chop. Somebody call the hambulance.
    45. 45 Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he lives in Neverland. (I love that pun because it has a great Hook.)
    46. 46 Where did the king put his armies? In his sleevies.
    47. 47 Whoever invented the “knock-knock joke” should get a no-bell prize.
    48. 48 What do you call a five-foot psychic that’s escaped from jail? A small medium at large.
    49. 49 What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

3. What kind of car does a pig drive? A trans-ham!

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