Teacher Arrested For Walking Naked Through Elementary School

Another installment in Droll, Understated Police Report Theater. Harlan Porter was arrested in Morrow, Georgia for public indecency after he stripped naked and roamed the halls of B.C. Haynie Elementary School. Porter was a teacher who had recently been informed he was going to lose his job. There were fortunately no children in the school at the time. We'll let the police report describe the scene upon the arrival of the arresting officer.

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• "I spoke with other teachers that had been working at the time of the incident. They all stated that Porter did not drink sodas or any other canned beverages and maintained a strict vegan diet...However on the date in question they noticed that he was drinking a Coke and had gone to Taco Bell to get tacos for lunch."

  

• "I approached Porter who was sitting calmly in the teachers lounge in the nude...I asked him how he was feeling, he responded, 'I'm good.'"

  

• "He stated that he had reached a 'new level of enlightenment,' and 'he wanted everybody to be free now that his third Eye was open.'"

  

• "I then explained the obvious problem with his third eye being open in public."