christmas

"A Christmas Story" As Told By Someone Who’s Never Seen It

What’s up with the pink bunny costume?

1. Ralphie is a little boy that exists, and who is feeling some intense anxiety due to the Christmas season.

Metro-Goldwyn-Meyer / Via ajeweltosparkle.tumblr.com

2. It’s probably because his parents gifted him this ridiculous bunny costume, which would make anyone more than a little uneasy.

Metro-Goldwyn-Meyer / Via kcesliv-irot.tumblr.com

Come on, parents!

3. This is Ralphie’s cozy abode; looks like he either lives in the middle of America or in a suburb of Chicago.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via commons.wikimedia.org

*Note: I’m pretty sure this thing is a museum now.

4. Wherever he lives, it’s cold as snowballs because Ralphie’s sidekick (or brother) is rocking a full on face scarf.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via moots.com

5. As evident by the bunny costume, Ralphie’s parents don’t seem to understand him and his father is a hard ass.

Metro-Goldwyn-Meyer

 

6. This makes Ralphie slightly angry, leading him to spew out some snarky one liners to show his parents who’s boss.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via lorena1307.blogspot.com

Also, he may or may not have the voice of a grown man.

7. He becomes tired of the whole sucky situation, and starts lashing out in some pretty harsh ways.

Goldwyn-Meyer-Metro / Via iamstilljrank.tumblr.com

8. Ralphie even starts picking on little kids who have absolutely nothing to do with his Christmas frustrations.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via bestmoviesevernews.com

9. The only kid more evil than Ralphie is this guy, who’s either his worst enemy or his best friend.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via fanpop.com

Probably best friend, though.

10. Not approving of his outlandish shenanigans, mom becomes livid and gives Ralphie the soap treatment.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via prod5.agileticketing.net

People actually used to do this, yikes.

11. Ralphie hides in the cupboard because enough is enough, and he’s sick of this shit. When will the world understand him?

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via casasugar.com

Mom tries to apologize, it ain’t happening mom. Also, that’s Ralphie right?

12. In a turn of events, Ralphie heads to the local mall in search of someone who can help him through these troubling times.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via westmemphisthree.typepad.com

*idea spark*

13. He ascends this fake snowy mountain to sit on Santa’s lap and confess all that’s been happening.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via highdefdiscnews.com

14. But Santa doesn’t get it. Santa is just as clueless as Ralphie’s parents, if not more.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via sodahead.com

15. As a consolation prize for well, nothing… Santa throws Ralphie down a slide.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via fanpop.com

16. Much to Ralphie’s surprise, this is the wake up call he needs to get his attitude together and stop being a grinch.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via davidlavallee.wordpress.com

17. Lessons are now learned: when life gives you lemons, chill out and think about all the good things that make you smile.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via thoughtcatalog.com

18. Also, snail mail always has and always will make people feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via thoughtcatalog.com

Especially during Christmas time.

19. And dares are the most terrifying thing ever.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via fanpop.com

Shit, now I have to.

20. Most importantly, you attract more friends with honey than you do a BB gun.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via highdefdiscnews.com

And honey will never shatter your glasses. This is a fact.

21. And above all, even though your family may not understand you 100% of the time, they are still your family and this is still Christmas… So you know, be jolly!

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via movies.tvguide.com

And all of this because of that damn bunny costume.

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