5 Foreign Products That Won’t Be Appearing In British Supermarkets Anytime Soon

Even though the world is supposed to have over 740 million English speakers* and English is the most taught foreign language worldwide, somehow the following products were released without anyone noticing how their names might sound if anyone understood the actual meaning. *(Then again 23% of Brits can allegedly speak French, which if you’ll excuse my French is frankly bollocks.)

1. VagFresh

Though the product certainly lives up to its promise of freshness, it’s supposed to be a nice mint treat to freshen your breath - not your lady parts. There might be a joke in here about it being for the wrong kind of lips but I refuse to put my name to it. The misunderstanding here results from an innocent shortening of the French “vague” (meaning “wave”) to the less than innocent-sounding “vag.” Needless to say, I bought about 5 bags and I still take them with me to parties.

2. Spunk

In case you were wondering - yes they do taste salty. In a slightly disturbing twist, these liquorice sweets from Denmark are named after a word “invented” by Astrid Lindgren’s adorable red-haired (though occasionally racist) children’s character Pippi Longstocking and the Spunk animal on the box was designed by an 8-year old girl. An online retailer which sells this filth boasts that the sweets “taste as bad as the real thing.”

3. Finger Marie

Thankfully most of us don’t blindly take orders from packets of biscuits or Marie would be a very busy girl indeed. Fortunately, the name is just a Scandinavian variant of “Marie Finger” and nothing more suspect. I still like the idea of biscuit brands containing subliminal messages of a sexual nature though.

4. i.Beat.Blaxx

An MP3 Player from Germany. I shit you not.

5. Urinal

I used to think only Bear Grylls enjoyed waking up to a cup of steamy hot piss but apparently this cranberry-flavoured hot drink can be bought in supermarkets throughout Slovakia. Yum.

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