Being a person is really hard. Let’s just admit it. Sure, we have things like free will and opposable thumbs, but we also have diets, adult decisions, and stubbed toes to contend with. Yes, we can compartmentalize (read: suppress) our feelings in a way that would make early era Don Draper proud, but as we’ve seen through his later seasons, it’s likely not the wisest idea. Which is why, from time to time, it’s good to get in a solid cry. And in order to help prevent the incredibly awkward and painfully uncontrollable subway platform outbreak, we can “schedule” these emotional purges with the help of Netflix. And with just a few tips and tricks, you can avoid streaky makeup, the obvious splotchy cheeks, and puffy eyes.
2. Option One: A Walk To Remember/ The Notebook
You’re not ready for a full emotional break down. You’re looking to be reminded that the world is, after all, a beautiful place that brings people together from seemingly different worlds in the name of love. It’s been a hard couple of days, but you’re fairly stable.
What you’ll need: L’Oreal Voluminous Waterproof Mascara to help elude dark streaks from running down your cheeks when the tears appear as present day Ally realizes who she and Noah are, or as Jamie and Landon wed. And perhaps a few tissues…
3. Option Two: Toy Story 2/ My Girl
You’re ready to cry. You’re getting a bit testy and snapping at innocent bystanders. Nothing major is happening but you’re feeling lonely and needing to reconnect with your youth.
What you’ll need: Neutrogena Makeup Wipes to clear away the hot mess that was once your makeup as Jesse sings, “When She Loved Me,” or when Vada realizes Thomas doesn’t have his glasses (sniff…). The tears aren’t trickling down your cheeks anymore; there are full streams flowing and you’re starting to look a little ugly.
4. Option Three: The Perks of Being A Wallflower/ A Fault In Our Stars
You’re in a fight with your mom, your friend is being a bitch, your boyfriend is being insensitive, and you just can’t even…
What you’ll need: Soap and cool water to wash the makeup off and help constrict any tale tell blood vessels that are storming your face after you watch Logan Lerman and Shailene Woodley respectively fall apart on screen. Let the tears, the wails, and the embarrassing sniffles roar.
5. Option Four: My Dog Skip
Everything sucks. There is no hope. Only despair.
What you’ll need: A cold compress to help prevent swollen eyes and Ibuprofen for your headache post sobbing. A movie where a beloved dog dies is watched only when a complete breakdown is in order. The tears will be lasting even after the credits finish rolling.
6. Option Five: Parenthood/Friday Night Lights
If you’d rather prolong the crying process over a few weeks, aim for a show with perpetual emotional turmoil like either of these from Jason Katims.
What you’ll need: Resilience and a glass of water to help keep you properly hydrated after losing so much water through your tear ducts.