1. Let’s see what LinkedIn has for me today.
2. “Congratulate so and so for their new job.” Well isn’t that awesome for them.
3. Ooo that one looks interesting.
4. Nevermind it’s in Omaha.
5. Why is LinkedIn showing me jobs in Omaha?
6. I don’t even want to work in Omaha.
7. I should change that.
8. OK, now I have the right places.
9. This’ll be easy.
10. And we’re searching.
11. Annnd none of these jobs look appealing.
12. Ooo I like that one.
13. Social Media? I can do social media.
14. I mean I spend 5 hours on Facebook stalking the lives of more successful, less deserving people.
15. I’m definitely qualified.
16. 5-8 years experience?
17. What is this?
18. Wait, eight years ago was 2006.
19. Was there even social media in 2006?
20. I think I was on Myspace in 2006.
21. Does that qualify as eight years experience?
22. No that definitely doesn’t qualify.
23. OK, back to the search page.
24. And I’m scrolling.
25. And all of these are boring,
26. Social Listening & Insights Consultant, what’s that?
27. I should find out what that is.
28. Dear Google what is a Social Listening & Insights Consultant?
29. Identifies and nurtures key online influencers.
30. Definitely don’t wanna do that.
31. And we’re back to searching.
32. Volunteer Social Media Assistant?
33. Really LinkedIn?
34. I mean really? That’s what you’re going to recommend to me?
35. Maybe I will volunteer…it could be a good resume booster.
36. haha I’m not gonna volunteer.
37. And back to scrolling.
38. Oooo this is interesting.
39. One year experience.
40. I have one year experience.
41. I should apply.
42. I’m going to apply.
43. And I’ve uploaded my resume.
44. And I’ve officially applied.
45. I’ll probably get rejected.
46. At least it’s experience.
47. I hate when parents say that.
48. Experience in what?
49. Pressing the apply button?
50. Accepting rejections?
51. At least I was pro-active about my unemployment today.
52. I’m gonna watch some Netflix now.
53. I wish Netflix binge watching was a career.
54. And I need a nap.