8:30 AM: Stare at reflection in mirror.
9:00 AM: Climb into tanning bed.
9:45 AM: Get dressed & slap on swanky Rolex.
10:15 AM: Read a chapter of his book.
11:00 AM: Search Zillow for the latest beachfront rental properties.
11:15 AM: Shoot Obama a text.
11:45 AM: Ignore Nan Rich's phone call.
12:30 PM: Eat the first & only meal of the day.
1:20 PM: Chug Redbull #2.
2:00 PM: Hop in white limo and head to the airport.
3:00 PM: Climb aboard a private plane.
4:30 PM: Visit Jim Greer.
6:15 PM: Chug Red Bull #3.
6:30 PM: Show up to fundraiser.
7:00 PM: Hug at least 23 people while he's there.
9:00 PM: Go home and brainstorm more lies.
2:00 AM: Finally call it a night.