28 Reasons Why Dating Is The Most Awkward Thing On The Planet

You're meeting someone you don't know very well to see if you want to have sex with each other. ARRGHHHHH.

1. Meeting new people is awkward enough anyway.

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2. Meeting people you want to bone is approximately 100X more awkward.

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3. First of all you have to find someone you want to date, who also wants to date you, who is single, and preferably geographically near you.

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There are probably about three datable people in this whole world for you right now.

4. If you meet people through friends there will be an avalanche of gossip with your every move.

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Your date's true feelings will be twisted through such a web of Chinese whispers that any information you do get is utterly useless.

"I definitely heard through Nicky that Damien liked that top you wore to Charlie's the other night."

5. Dating someone from work just carries so many risks.

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And all the risks end in awkward.

6. You could try online dating, but then you have to think of an original opening line that's going to make people want to bang you.

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Jake has not mastered this art.

7. You could just go up to random hotties on the street, but then you'd be a total creepy weirdo.

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And it will be even harder to get a date when you're a total creepy weirdo.

8. How do you even figure out if someone likes you?

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Like LIKE likes you.

9. You can't possibly ask – that is just not how it's done.

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Imagine if this was how it was done, how much simpler life would be.

10. You have to flirt subtly until you suss out the probability that they like you back.

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11. And how the hell do you flirt anyway?

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Apparently it's something about asking questions while touching people's arms.

12. How do you know whether the flirting has been successful or not?

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Like, if they walk off, that's a good sign it hasn't worked out. But what if they make a really good excuse just before they walk off?

13. At some point you have to deliver the closing line. The line that's going to get you the date.

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This is the biggest risk, the one that could result in the largest amount of awkward.

14. So you got their number, and there is a chance that they are at least considering dating you. What the hell are you meant to say to them now?

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Do you chit-chat? Do you just go in with the date arrangements straightaway? Is that too business-like? Are dates just business meetings for your genitals?

15. Once you have finally persuaded someone to go on a date with you, you then have to find a date and time that you're both free, which is usually impossible.

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This is because the modern world demands too much of us, and everyone has to spend at least three nights a week lying on their sofa doing nothing, otherwise it all gets a bit much.

16. OK, you got a date! Rejoice! The hardest part is over. WRONG! What the hell are you going to wear?

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It has to be appropriate, sexy, and clean.

17. Whatever you wear, you will feel either over or underdressed.

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And so will your date.

18. What do people talk about on dates?

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Do you talk about yourself? Do you ask them questions? Do you have to strike the exact balance between the two?

19. What do people do on dates?

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Do you eat? Do you go for drinks? Do you go ice-skating under the moon and the stars?

20. If you decide to eat, you have to eat in a way that will make someone want to bang you.

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This is impossible.

21. If you drink, then you have to drink until you are maximum charming, without being embarrassing.

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This too is impossible. The only hope is that they are the exact same level of drunk as you are.

22. What do you do when you suddenly realise that you two are just not meant to be?

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You have to sit through the rest of the date smiling and nodding, because anything else would be way too awkward.

23. What happens if you realise they are the best person in the world and you could totally marry this person?

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You have to play it cool. Which is very, very hard.

24. The end of the first date is probably the most awkward moment in the whole dating process. DO YOU KISS?

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25. DO YOU BONE?

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26. What do you do if it's obvious you aren't going to kiss?

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What if one person goes for the kiss and the other goes for the hug? ARGGHH.

27. And then there's the second date, and you have to start the whole awkward texting thing again.

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They should teach this shit in school.

28. It's a miracle anyone manages to procreate at all.

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