• 1. On Starbucks

    “I see people sitting on couches, lounge chairs, whatever they were fuckin' drinkin', they looked like fucking ice cream floaters, with fuckin' mounds of fuckin' whip cream, and fuckin' all kinds of shit on top.”

  • 2. On the Tea Party

    “Come on, gimme a break, real men don't drink fuckin' tea, or associate with anyone who fuckin' does; real men drink fuckin' beer.”

  • 3. On Match.com

    “Well to tell you the truth, I'm lookin' for anything on two fuckin' legs that's got a lotta fuckin' cash.”

  • 4. On China & Osama bin Laden

    “They gonna make up a fuckin' dish, bin Laden Egg Fu Fuckin' Yung!”

  • 5. On Jared from Subway

    “Hey Jared, kiss my fuckin' ass.”

  • 6. On Dating

    “If I were fuckin' rich, I'd have two thirty-year-olds, one on each arm, what the fuck do I need you for?!”

  • 7. On Gay Marriage

    “Fuck 'em, let 'em get fuckin' married, and suffer like the rest of us.”

  • 8. On Mother-in-Laws

    “I used to pray she'd choke on that fuckin' chicken bone, that rat fuckin' bastard.”

  • 9. On Immigration

    “Did you ever see a Muslim buildin' a house? Did you ever see a Muslim shoveling fucking horse shit?”

  • 10. On President Obama

    “Look at poor, poor Barack Obama, look what he inherited—he inherited a mile-fuckin'-high pile of fuckin' monkey shit.”