1. Tom Cruise & Brooke Shields
After giving birth and suffering depression, Shields started taking the antidepressant, Paxil, then encouraging other women to do so while on Oprah. Furious, Cruise told Matt Lauer in an interview that she should have instead taken vitamins and become a Scientologist. Also, this was when he claimed that both Lauer and Shields didn’t understand psychiatry. They’re definitely not going to be making babies together any time soon.
2. Elton John & George Michael
John called George a drug addict with “a deep-rooted unhappiness in his life,” and then called his new album, Patience, “disappointing.” His advice? For Michael to “get out more.” Although they eventually reconciled, George refused to speak to John for nine months, and after Michael penned a letter starting that John “barely knew him,” I don’t expect to hear any wedding bells here.
3. January Jones & Jared Gilmore
Gilmore, who has played Jones’s son on Mad Men for the past four seasons, recently left the show; but not without choosing some choice words for his replacement actor. “Be careful around January Jones. She’s not as approachable as the others. She’s really serious about what she does. Everyone else is so nice.” Sure, there’s the whole statutory rape thing because he’s only eleven (plus Jones is pregnant), but hey, I don’t think Barry White’s gonna be coming on any time soon for these two.
4. Kanye West & Taylor Swift
While we all know about this one, it’s important not to forget. I mean, after all, Kanye became virtually shunned by society for a couple months and ultimately became a meme (worth it?) as a result of storming up to the VMAs stage in 2009, after Taylor Swift won “Best Female Video,” grabbing her mic, and exclaimed: “I’mma let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time. One of the best videos of all time!” Met by silence and then booing, West sauntered off and then proceeded to make out with his then-girlfriend, Amber Rose, seemingly not giving a fuck. Well, that’s fine, but his tour with Lady Gaga was canceled and even Barack Obama came out in support of little Taylor. I don’t think even hate-sex would be a possibility in this pairing.
5. Keith Olbermann & Bristol Palin
This one probably wouldn’t happen anyway, given that Bristol is totally into abstinence and all, but the situation certainly wasn’t helped by the fact that Olbermann once called Bristol “the worst person in the world” for said belief. In response, Bristol wrote a letter Olbermann via her Facebook page, claiming that what he “lacks in originality he makes up for with insincere incredulity.” Not even seven minutes in heaven could clean this one up.
6. Pink & Prince William
Pink (or “P!nk,” if you care), a huge animal rights activist and member of PETA, wrote a letter to Prince William, politely advising him to cease his fox hunting. He declined her proposal. She then stated that she wrote to him and “figured he would be this stuffy, privileged asshole,” but instead, “he’s like a redneck from the South.” She went on to advise that the Prince of Wales—who attended the renowned University of St. Andrews—get a “better education.” He didn’t respond, but apparently she was so riled up about fox hunting that she also told Q magazine: “If you’re brought up shooting and hunting animals, if you really think it’s second nature and you’re blasting away, then it’s hard to see the other point of view. You need educating.” Well, good thing she’s not really his type, either.
7. Rosie O’Donnell & Donald Trump
O’Donnell once called Trump “a snake-oiled salesman,” and Trump retorted by calling her a “fat loser,” a degenerate, unattractive pig. Deciding that wasn’t quite enough, he even went so far as to threaten to steal her partner, Kelli Carpenter, away from her. That’s even less likely to happen as these two sharing a bed together.
8. Jerry Seinfeld & Lady Gaga
Last year Lady Gaga got wasted at Mets game, stripped down to her underwear, and flipped off the crowd, all the while posted up in Seinfeld’s empty luxury box, which she had been moved to because she was furious about all the photographers by her front-row seats. In response, Seinfeld called her a “jerk,” continuing on to ask, “You give people the finger and you get upgraded? is that the world we’re living in now?” and concluded with, “I wish her the best, but you take one ‘A’ off of that and you’ve got ‘gag.’ ” And that’s all she’ll be gagging on.
9. Sinead O’Connor & Frank Sinatra
While O’Connor was on tour in the US, she said that she wouldn’t perform at a concert if the Star-Spangled Banner was played before she went on. Feeling he needed to butt in, Sinatra threatened to “kick her ass.” Two years later, he reignited the feud by claiming he would punch her “right in the mouth” after she tore up a picture of the Pope on Saturday Night Live.
10. Howard Stern & Gibourney Sidibe’s Mom
After Precious was released, instead of focusing on the film itself, Stern chose to target Sidibe’s weight on his show, calling her “the most enormous, fat black chick I’ve ever seen.” Sidibe herself took the high road and never responded, but her mom wasn’t having any of it, “He can see, you can see, I can see Gabby is a big girl. She’s a big woman, so what’s wrong with that?” When he said Precious was the only movie she would be in, she responded that “[h]e might not hire her, but someone else will.” Once you call someone’s daughter “enormous,” I think that pretty much eliminates any chance them sharing a fiery night of passion.
11. Al Roker & “Speidl” (Spencer Pratt & Heidi Montag)
When Roker conducted an interview with The Hills couple in June 2009, things didn’t go well. He asked them if they were proud of their “controversial behavior” on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!, and informed Pratt that some people thought he was a “jerk.” Later, Heidi called “abuse,” and Al responded on Twitter, saying they were an “interesting couple. Famous for… being infamous. I think we’re at minute 11 of their 15.” A few months later, they were set to appear on the Today show again, to promote their new book. Instead, they were booted from the segment, and Heidi got the last word on her on Twitter: “WEATHERMAN I thought you were out of town today getting your stomach stapled again? Do you always look like your about to die? how old are you 97? You should retire asap.” I’m glad that’s the end of it because I really wouldn’t want to picture this trio making out anyway.