Corporate Scientist

No matter what company is sponsoring you, you'll make sure to have experiments that produce the right results for shareholders. Though you might be named in the inevitable lawsuit, your stock options will pay for the best lawyers in the world!

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Mad Scientist

Though your chief goals are the somewhat contradictory aims to rule, and then destroy, the planet Earth, you have a strong grasp of the scientific principles of blowing up things (Explodology). Good luck and please have mercy.

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Leech Monger

Listen, if leeches weren't meant to fix all of life's problems, why would they exist? Leeches work, it's a fact, and that's why you use leeches to answer all of life's biological, chemical, and physical questions. For you, truth is a sharp bite on a central vein.

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Bacterioplankton

You are not a scientist- you're bacterioplankton! Bacterioplankton are crucial to consuming organic content sometimes produced by other organisms. They enjoy swimming, floating, and eating. Thanks for making our freshwater lakes and saltwater oceans a little cleaner, regardless of your inability to read any of this quiz.

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Academic Recluse

Science is best practiced in long cold hallways, insulated from teeming undergraduates by a barricade of beakers and test tubes. Your discoveries won't just stay within those hallowed halls, however- they will circulate to dozens of other people in dusty libraries, as well as your lecture students when they accidentally look up from their crossword puzzles.

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