1. What’s that? You don’t know about Suburban Shootout?
Well, here’s a brief synopsis:
Joyce Hazeldine and her husband, Jeremy, pack their bags and move, from London, to what seems to be a peaceful town called Little Stempington. She soon discovers, however, there are two rival gangs of housewives: one headed by Camilla Diamond and the other by Barbara Du Prez.
Once very good friends, Camilla and Barbara originally turned to weaponry and intimidation as a way of dealing with crime and antisocial behavior, gathering a small group of local women to help further their cause. Unfortunately, the group divided into two smaller gangs when Camilla grew greedy and used their increased clout for her own personal gain.
Barbara’s gang continues to take extreme action against perceived “threats to Little Stempington life” - planned low-cost housing, teenagers wearing hoodies, etc., while also working tirelessly against Camilla’s gang.
Timid Joyce, unfortunately, becomes a pawn in both gangs, enlisted by Barbara to work undercover as a way of getting closer to Camilla.
But enough about the ladies! Let’s get to Hiddles!
2. In the show, Hiddleston plays Bill Hazeldine, Joyce and Jeremy’s incredibly naive yet adorkable son.
3. After coming back from missionary work in Africa, he becomes friends with Camilla Diamond’s daughter, Jewel, who takes an immediate liking to him.
4. Unfortunately, he does not know how to handle her sexual advances.
7. Here he is massaging Jewel’s adductor longus - after Jewel “accidentally” bumped into him while the two were out running, fell down, and needed to be taken home.
11. Here he is getting a talkin’ to from his mum because she thinks Jewel’s trouble.
13. Here he is getting tricked, by Jewel, into marrying her.
15. And here he is, delivering his best lines - a detailed outline of where he plans to pluck Jewel’s flower.
“An occasion we will never forget. With, uh, candles. And rose petals. Beautiful music. Out here, of course. It’ll just be you and me. Communing with nature. I’ll build a tipi. It’ll have its own self-sustaining heating system - powered by us! It’ll be an eco-friendly love pod.”
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