The 29 Greatest Moments In The History Of Bathtime

“These were the greatest bathtimes of our lives.” -Bob Dylan

29. The Absent-Minded Tiger

Absent-mindedly licking a tiger cub is not an easy thing to pull off at the best of times, but it’s absolutely beautiful when it works.

28. The Slight Overreaction

As Shakespeare once said:

“Remember this well
My sisters and brothers
A showerhead to some
is lifeline to others.”

-The Tempest, Act I, Scene 3

27. The “If In Doubt, Bring A Friend”

Frankly, I think this monkey is trying a little bit too hard, but you can’t argue with a bathtime classic.

26. The Loneliest Duckling

“A poet is a duckling in a bathtub, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds.”
-P.B. Shelley, Defense of Poetry

25. The Big Dog In The Little Tub

“If the adage is indeed true that ‘all a doggie needs to be happy is a tub to call his own and about five discount value “Play and Splash” rubber duckies,’ then why … why am I so sad?”
-This doggie

24. The Unsuspecting Corgi

This is from that scene in that corgi suspense thriller where the corgi is like, “But I don’t normally have my supper in the room with the porcelain tub. Are you absolutely sure it’s dinnertime that’s about to happen to me?”

23. The Surprised Elephant

Literally nobody expects a second elephant in the kiddy pool.

22. The Hot Tub Panda

This moment is the exact origin of the phrase “Chill out like a panda bear in a hot tub.”*

*Not an actual phrase.

21. The Polar Plunge

To some, a tender maternal moment; to others (specifically to the baby polar bear in question here), more of a great-big-wet-bear-tongue-in-your-eye kind of moment than anything else. It all depends on your perspective.

20. The Sinkful Of Pure Joy

Doing the dishes is both fun and educational, when the dishes are THE HAPPIEST TERRIER OF ALL TIME.

19. The Soapy Lion

You know how everyone is always like, “Whatever you do, DON’T approach a ferocious lion and lather him up, no matter how dirty he looks”? Well, that is a good rule, but it doesn’t always apply.

18. The Giant Tongue

They are not always welcome - indeed, in certain circumstances, they can even be somewhat unappealing - but just sometimes, a giant tongue is exactly the right tool for the occasion.

17. The Floating Pom

With the right combination of perspective and low intellectual capacity, a loving home can be your universe and a sink, your ocean.

16. The Ugly Parrots

Ugly + Bathtime = Cute. Also known as Fermat’s Last Theorem, which was not officially proved until 1993.

15. The Contented Sloth

Truer words were never spake (spoke? spaked? something is wrong here) than the words that were spaken by whoever it was that said that the best thing in life is a happy sloth in a towel. Spoked?

14. The Exhausted Raccoon

It has oft been said that a raccoon’s work is never done, but every now and then, a raccoon’s work actually really is done and it’s time for the aforementioned animal to put the proverbial feet up and generally take it easy with, for instance, a nice cooling bath in a bowl of rainwater.

13. The Guinea Pig Lamaze Class

Guinea pig Lamaze has long served an important social purpose in addition to its practical benefits.

12. The Unhappy Camper

This fragile world has never seen a fury like the fury of this cat upon discovery that the tyrannical regime against which she labors in vain had deemed, as if upon a whim, that it was high time she had a bit of a bath.

11. The Double Trouble

Sorry, but what is even happening here? Did the meerkat even soap himself? Ugh, meerkats these days.

10. The Budget Rainstorm

The withering scorn deployed by the owl in this particular bathtime moment is impressive even to those who are aware that it is the only facial expression in his repertoire.

9. The World’s Laziest Puppy In A Sink

Many people have sinks, and more still have the worlds’ laziest puppy, but the genius who first thought to combine the two has a rightful place in the annals of bathtime history.

8. The Frozen Otter

“Here I stand, and I can do no other,” says this otter. “But first let me take a quick refreshing dip in this bucket of ice, because I am an otter, and that’s the sort of thing I do in my leisure time.”

7. The Saddest Husky

Like all good times, bath time must inevitably come to an end, but its passing will not be un-mourned, if this husky has anything to say about it.

6. The Lazy Sunday

Every single day, somewhere in America, a bear wakes up from a long, restful night’s sleep and realizes that she doesn’t have a job. That’s how you get things like this ursine soak-and-scrub.

5. The Disheveled Dog And Guinea Pig Combo

Orchestrating an interspecies bathtime has ever been a power move if you want your evening ablutions to be recorded for posterity, but rarely has the maneuver been executed with such magnificent gusto as in this now legendary metamorphosis from light and fluffy to, well, wet.

4. Three Sloths In A Bucket

Any rank amateur can bathe a sloth in a bucket; but three different-sized sloths all in a bucket at once - that’s a work of a goddamn pioneer.

3. The “Oh Captain My Captain”

Also known as the “I Am Spartacus,” this bunny bathtime was the first recorded bathtime in which a bunny stood up and bravely said, not just for herself, but for all bunnies everywhere, “I AM A BUNNY WHY AM I IN A SINK GIVE ME A CARROT.”

2. The Look Of Recrimination

To achieve this now famous “how could you do this to me?” expression, you will need (1) pink bucket (2) gallons soapy water (1) the cutest kitten in the entire world and (1) heart of stone, you evil bastard.

1. The Relaxed Hedgie

“Nothing phases me: I am a leaf in the wind. I am a ripple in the water. I am a hedgie in the sink.”
- This hedgie

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