23 Signs Your Cat Actually Owns You

If any of these are true of you, you may need to come to terms with the fact that you have essentially committed yourself to a life of indentured servitude to an ungrateful monster.

You can’t remember the last time you used a computer. All you do nowadays is watch a cat while she sits on your hands.


You haven’t fully processed the fact that your cat’s demands have become increasingly elaborate in nature:

Your shower does not belong to you anymore:

And neither does your toilet:

Even the dog understands that everyone else in the house is a second-class citizen:

Your cat interrupts you while you’re working because she “didn’t like the way your face looked”:

Even your attempts to be accommodating are peremptorily rejected:

You’ve long since given up telling him that he can’t just sit anywhere he wants:

You may pet her, but she will let you know when it has become tiresome:

Your laundry isn’t properly “clean” until it is completely covered in cat hair:

Your hair is a plaything:

You have come to realize that the “games” you and your cat play together aren’t very fun at all:

Your morning ritual is a humiliating misery:

Your dinner is not really your own.

You are reconciled to daily indignities such as having your evening snack used as a face-warmer:

The constant. COMPLAINING.

And the constant sense that you are being judged, laughed at, and basically dismissed as a person:

You have come to accept petty thievery as just a thing that happens to you sometimes:

The only time when you are appreciated at all is when you are performing a service:

But you can expect severe displeasure if you ever have the audacity to get tired of it:

(via thebloggess)

Your privacy is no longer even remotely sacred:

And your life is an unending series of increasingly absurd degradation:

And, after all that, your cat still blanks you in public:

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