33 Reasons Why Men Should Be Banned

Yes, all men.

1. They’re — at best — middling conversationalists.

2. They’re terrible at even the most basic “get to know you” situation.

3. They don’t know how to properly appreciate a breakfast burrito.

4. They make for lousy knights.

6. They have the weirdest Southern mannerisms.

7. They don’t know how to relax.

9. They’re not exactly masters of the segue.

10. Their puppy-dog eyes are too hard to resist.

11. They’re too quick to accept apologies.

12. They’re abysmal at 20 questions.

13. They’re god-awful study partners.

14. They don’t know how to handle a shapely pair of calves.

15. They don’t need luck.

16. They can’t pick up the nuance of a simple, timely “Bro.”

17. They’re always masquerading as chairs.

18. They’re almost too good a judge of people’s hair.

21. They can’t even make their own sandwiches.

22. They’re not much better in groups.

23. They’re not great at restating their argument.

24. They make weird dinner plans.

25. They overexplain.

26. They sometimes confuse dating with the Hunger Games.

27. They have trouble expressing their private feelings.

28. They have terrible hobbies.

29. They’re always asking for favors.

30. There’s something wrong with their necks.

31. They’re constantly going through your unmentionables.

32. Because even the cream of the crop is rotten.

33. And despite the fact that their name is “facializeyou,” they are still an 80% match.

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Editorial Director, God King of BuzzFeed
Deputy Editorial Director, Iron Fist of BuzzFeed
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