The 15 Best Ways To Celebrate Kafka’s Birthday

Happy 131st birthday, Kafka! If you’d like to celebrate, please proceed to item #1.

1. 1. Today is Franz Kafka’s birthday. In order to celebrate, please advance to #2.

2. 3. THIS IS ITEM #3. Please do not view the following image of a cat doing laundry without first following the directions outlined in item #2.

3. 4. If you viewed item #3 without first viewing item #2, you are in violation. Please advance to item #7 to be processed.

4. 5. Please report any infractions to the Violations Bureau. Contact information for the V.B. can be found in item #8. In the meantime, please proceed to the next item.

5. 6. DO NOT VIEW THIS ITEM IF YOU ARE IN VIOLATION.

If you have viewed this item in error, please follow the instructions beginning at item #1 in section #1.

6. 7. Welcome to Processing. Please do not view the following image without first checking the processing index in item #2.

If you have viewed this item in error, please return between 9am-5pm Monday through Thursday (except on holidays and Wednesdays), or proceed to item #8.

7. 8. Was ist mit mir geschehen?, dachte er. Es war kein Traum.

8. 9. Personnel only. CLICK TO REVEAL ONLY IF AUTHORIZED.

10. 11. If you did not follow the instructions listed in #10, please remain here and await further instructions.

11. 12. If you’ve accessed this item after receiving instructions from officers during step #11, please proceed to item #13 for your certificate. If not, please fill out form #1EZ and return to item #1.

12. 13. UNDER CONSTRUCTION

13. 14. If you viewed item #13 without first viewing image #10, you are in violation. Please advance to #7 to be processed.

14. 15. If you’re viewing this item, you’ve nearly completed the celebration of the birth of Franz Kafka. Please bring your authorized certificate and completed form #1EZ to item #1 for final processing.

15. Eventually, the sky clouds over, and it actually starts raining.

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