For Everyone Who Hates The Red Cups Because They're Not Filled With Dunkin Donuts

    Shots have been fired.

    In case you missed it, coffee lovers everywhere were horrified yesterday by this monstrous assault on everything that is good and right and true.

    But there is a deeper issue at play here than just the Christmas spirit.

    It is an issue that has divided our nation for far, far too long.

    And it turns out that this is an extremely sensitive and important concern for many Americans.

    The only problem I have with Starbucks cups is that they don't come filled with @DunkinDonuts coffee.

    A widely held belief that has inflamed the passions of an entire country.

    Am I the only one who has never noticed that #Starbucks changes the color of their cups? It's probably because I go to #DunkinDonuts

    Lines have been crossed that can never be uncrossed.

    I'm drinking Dunkin' Donuts coffee out of my Starbucks travel mug. I'm a monster. What am I capable of?

    And things have been said that can never be unsaid.

    The battle lines have been drawn.

    How many cups will be spilled before this ends?

    Guys relax, Starbucks cups are red to symbolize the blood of their enemy @DunkinDonuts

    Will there be anything left of this country before the anger stops?

    Remember no serious Christian is worried about no stupid #RedCups. Why do we care about @Starbucks when we have @DunkinDonuts

    Or will the betrayals just come faster and more furiously?

    Only time will tell.

    All these folks talking about Starbucks cups like they actually think Starbucks is worth paying for. Have y'all even tried Dunkin' Donuts?

    But for now, the present looks dark indeed.

    And there is no end in sight.