The 19 Dumbest Things That Google Is Forced To Suggest

Google gave us this super-cool, insanely powerful tool to help us find anything we want in the universe and this is what you did with it. Are you happy? I hope you’re happy.

1. The answer to one of the great, unanswered questions of philosophy.

2. The answer to one of the great, unanswered questions of biology.

3. The inner musings of an admittedly honest bigot.

4. The world’s saddest attempt at a plan for Friday night.

5. The deepest anxieties of a colorblind child.

6. The formulation of a question that has troubled great theologians since Aquinas.

7. This totally legitimate question that everyone often wonders about.

8. The formulation of a question so devious it can make an etymologist cry.

The answer, by the way, is dolor colli causa machinae volantis (or “plane in the neck”).

9. The formulation of a question that no one wants to know the answer to.

10. The stark truth about something we all know is happening but are too afraid to admit.

11. The musings of a deeply religious British wildlife expert.

13. The saddest cry for help in history.

14. Musings on nature’s cruelest misclassifications.

15. True facts about monkeys.

16. The world’s strangest and most miserable distress call.

17. The single most unethical way to cheat on a standardized test.

18. A procedural query about America’s pastime.

19. And, finally, this nail in the coffin for humanity.

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