Cats Are Planning To Kill You

Some very, very unfortunate news about cats.

1. They are lurking at the corners of your awareness, like an unsettling memory or a bad dream.

2. They are studying you, noting your weaknesses, marking your fears and insecurities, seeing each flaw as an opportunity.

3. And they are studying their craft. Preparing their minds and bodies to harness the terrible kinetic energy that is building inside them like a tempest.

4. They are waiting. Ever. So. Patiently. For you to slip up.

5. And they have all the time in the world.

6. Because every second is an ember…

7. Every minute, a spark…

8. And the very days of your life are tinder for the conflagration that they will summon around you in a gust of rage and fury.

9. They are biding their time.

10. And you will not see them when they arrive.

11. Because they are hidden in plain sight.

12. Stashed, like deadly weapons, where you least expect them.

13. Perfectly camouflaged in the dark corners of your life.

14. Looking for just the right moment.

15. Nursing their bitter jealousy and their madness.

16. Gathering their wrath.

17. Waiting to unleash the unholy maelstrom of their anger on the false calm of your worthless existence.

20. Be ready.

21. Be wary.

22. Be afraid.

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