Cats Are Planning To Kill You

Some very, very unfortunate news about cats.

1. They are lurking at the corners of your awareness, like an unsettling memory or a bad dream.

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2. They are studying you, noting your weaknesses, marking your fears and insecurities, seeing each flaw as an opportunity.

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3. And they are studying their craft. Preparing their minds and bodies to harness the terrible kinetic energy that is building inside them like a tempest.

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4. They are waiting. Ever. So. Patiently. For you to slip up.

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5. And they have all the time in the world.

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6. Because every second is an ember…

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7. Every minute, a spark…

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8. And the very days of your life are tinder for the conflagration that they will summon around you in a gust of rage and fury.

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9. They are biding their time.

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10. And you will not see them when they arrive.

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11. Because they are hidden in plain sight.

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12. Stashed, like deadly weapons, where you least expect them.

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13. Perfectly camouflaged in the dark corners of your life.

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14. Looking for just the right moment.

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15. Nursing their bitter jealousy and their madness.

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16. Gathering their wrath.

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17. Waiting to unleash the unholy maelstrom of their anger on the false calm of your worthless existence.

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18. Waiting…

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20. Be ready.

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21. Be wary.

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22. Be afraid.

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