18 Generalizations About Our Geographic Region

These Things Are All True Of People From Our Area And No One Else

1. This One Pastime Is Something Everyone Is Really Good At

ardie-zign.com

You know, that board game or lawn game that comes out when our extended family comes over? We probably play it two or three times a year. Our one uncle is oddly obsessed with playing it, and we'll play with our cousins after we run out of people to talk about. Later, we'll wander off to get another beverage. Someone will pick it up later, we're sure.

2. Absolutely Everyone Is A Huge Fan Of This One Sports Team

gamedayr.com

Everyone in our area is obsessed with this sports team. We will passionately proclaim its superiority (and that of its fans), and argue with anyone who dares disagree. This won't happen, of course, because there are no fans of any other team within our territory. If our area is rural, this is a college team. People who never went to this (or any) college will passionately cheer for unpaid kids to maim one another. If our area is metropolitan, this is a pro team playing in a publicly-funded stadium. We'll also joke about the irrelevance of another local team.

3. This Regional Fast Food Chain Unequivocally Produces The Greatest Food

wordpress.com

If we ever venture to another less fortunate part of the country, we will not stop telling people about this marginally superior fast food. However, if we think about it, we really only go there every once in a while.

4. Our Dialect Is Correct And Everyone Else Is Wrong

image16.spreadshirt.com

Whether it's “yinz” or “yall”, “freeway” or “highway”, this is something that we know that we say correctly, and all other English speakers in North America are tragically misled from birth. Because language is static and uniform, of course.

5. The Weather Is Crazy Here!

asparatu.com

“If you don't like the weather in (our region), just wait 20 minutes and you'll get something else!” That joke certainly originated in our area and applies to nowhere else.

6. But We're All Used To It

blogger.com

We're tougher than anyone else, and we prove it by venturing outside and pretending to enjoy ourselves in hazardous conditions. We will get frostbite or melanoma because we're that cool.

7. We Are Nostalgic About This Car Salesman/TV News Guy From 20 Years Ago

We couldn't stand this jerk when he was broadcast into our homes constantly, but now we have a strange affection for him, like hipsters using cassette tapes.

8. Our Pizza/Water/Gasoline/Diner Food/Head Lice/McDonalds Is Superior

mcnewyork.com

Sorry, you just don't know anything about these things unless you're from our region.

9. We Have This One Comical Flaw In Our Driving Tendencies

upload.wikimedia.org

We can't park correctly, or we drive too fast/slow, or we don't use turn signals, or we pick our noses or something. We all do this, and it's exclusively because of where we're from.

10. We Can't Stand This One Other Very Similar And Nearby Group Of People

oi47.tinypic.com

They're just so different from us. They don't understand us. Everybody from (Northern California/New Jersey/Ohio/St. Paul/Queens/Vermont/The North Side/Texas/Kansas City, Kansas) is an idiot. We know this, because we're from (Southern California/Long Island/Michigan/Minneapolis/Brooklyn/New Hampshire/The South Side/Oklahoma/Kansas City, Missouri). This is often, but not always, due to a sports rivalry.

11. Something Weirdly Specific To Whomever Wrote This

blogger.com

We all have this one specific order at Chipotle. Every. Single. Person.

12. This Is Our Regional Intoxicant

blogger.com

You haven't had beer until you've had this one microbrew (or MillerCoors brand) that has successfully identified itself with our area.

13. Oh My God I'm Still Writing This List

blogger.com

I guess there was that other thing we care about. I sort of already touched on it, but I'll give it its own entry anyway.

14. We Have Internal Disagreement About Something

rock937fm.com

We will continue to debate the merits of taking one highway over another, or which ClearChannel-owned FM station is better than one of the other ClearChannel-owned FM stations.

15. Our Sunsets/Sunrises/Lakes/Soil/Rocks Are Inherently Better

simplyoutdoors.net

If we were to ever cross the state line, we'd see an immediate drop off in the quality of natural phenomena.

16. We Breathe Oxygen

montessorimuddle.org

No one else does that, right?

17. We All Have This Adorable Vice

i.dailymail.co.uk

Whether it's substance abuse, horrific driving habits, borderline sociopathic behavior, voting for corrupt creeps, or antisocial tendencies, we just do this and you can't judge us because, hey, it's because of where we're from!

18. Something Nice About Us At The End

blogger.com

Deep down, we're all really nice. Forget all that stuff about from before about genocidal feelings toward people from somewhere else over that trivial reason.