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The 52 Stages Of A Vegas Trip

“Vivaaaa Las… a Coors Light is $10?!?”

1. First, the initial conversation..

You’ve felt dead inside for months. Cue a wine-drunk phone call from one of your best friends. She’s planning a girls trip to Las Vegas, where there’s sunshine and happiness. Want to go?

2. And next, you plan…

Before you know it, you’re deleting your search history at work so your boss doesn’t find out that you’ve been on Expedia for 6+ hours every day for two weeks.

3. Soon… realization.

After figuring out scheduling issues, everyone’s travel plans are set and you feel more accomplished than that time you got the flu and lost nine pounds in three days.

5. …and prepare.

6. The day has finally arrived. You head out, get to the airport and spot your friends

7. After several margaritas at the Chili’s Too, it’s time to board your plane.

8. You land and find out shortly after that there are slot machines in the Vegas airport.

9. You and friends find a shuttle and pile into it.

Next stop, Heaven.

10. Before you know it, you see the strip…

11. …and get to your cheesy, opulent hotel.

12. It’s beautiful. Everything you’d imagined.

13. You’ve been walking around for five minutes and four creepy guys have already stopped you to put you and your friends on “VIP lists.”

14. You check in to your room and head up to get ready for a night on the town.

Get ready = get slutty.

15. Time to fit a little pregame in.

16. Then you’re off!

17. You get to the club, which is really crowded, hot and humid.

19. You go to the bar and find out that even the cheapest beer is going to set you back ten bucks.

20. You drink a bunch of them anyway and end up meeting some really cool guys from Iowa or something.

21. Suddenly you and your friends are hammered and your buddy system starts to crumble.

22. Before you know it, it’s 3 a.m., your feet hurt, your friends are gone and nobody is answering their phone.

23. Against all odds, you all end up back at the hotel room.

24. And wake up hours later feeling like pieces of actual shit.

25. No matter. To brunch!

26. You recount stories from the night before…

27. …and one friend takes it too far by telling everyone about how she ended up eating a slice of ham off of a guy’s chest.

28. You spend the rest of the day lounging by the pool, hoping none of the glass beer bottles you smuggled in shatter on the concrete deck.

29. Dinner swings around. Time to grab some food and walk around the strip with giant margaritas shaped like the Eiffel tower.

30. Well, well, well, what do we have here? A group of decent looking, age-appropriate guys?

32. You’re then lured to a hotel and casino where you’re told there are live flamingos…

33. …and there are.

34. Said foreign men ask you and your friends if you want to grab some drinks at the hotel bar.

35. Welp, you’ve had five vodka sodas and feel pretty confident that you can count cards now. Time to get after some cash.

36. Aaaaaaaand there goes $60.

37. Looking around, you see your friend across the casino kissing a guy you think may have been in a Mary Kate and Ashley movie.

38. And you get a text from your other friend who ran off to find chicken strips.

39. An undetermined amount of time passes and you realize you’re sitting on a stranger’s lap while he plays digital poker.

40. It could be midnight or it could be 4 a.m. You have no idea.

41. Ooooh wait, it’s 4 a.m. and two hours from you and your friends’ early morning flight.

42. You find out that one of them is passed out in a hotel room that is not yours.

43. And it is your duty to drag her unconscious body out and cram it into a cab.

44. You get back and wake up your other friend, rallying the troops to pack quickly so you can make it to an airport shuttle in time.

45. Needless to say, it is a complete fucking disaster.

46. Against all odds, you make it to the airport and through security in time.

47. You find your seat. You’re glorious, glorious seat.

48. And as you drift off, you think back on your Vegas vacation.

49. After a few hours, you wake up in your home state still feeling like a mere shell of yourself.

50. A couple days go by and coworkers start asking how your trip went.

51. But, after your recovery period, you realize you would never take any of it back. You left Vegas with the best memories you could have ever asked for…

52. …and the ham story.

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