Why Having A Baby Is Like Being In A Sci-Fi Horror Film

Mothers are basically the biggest badasses ever, because they can survive all of this.

1. A baby is like a parasite feeding off of your body… and blood.

ID: 1746393

2. This mushy monster is inside of you. THIS IS INSIDE OF YOU.

ID: 1746505

3. Oh, you’re not hungry because you just ate an hour ago? Too bad. BABY WANTS FOOD NOW.

ID: 1786772

4. When you’re pregnant, your hormones are basically a ticking time bomb of emotions.

God help the person who catches you on a bad day.

ID: 1746402

5. You get scary flexible because of your hormones.

ID: 1787345

6. Your feet, hands, belly, and everything else swells to insane proportions without exploding.

Somehow… Maybe witchcraft?

ID: 1812711

7. Sometimes, your uterus grows so much that it can cause a separation of your abdominal muscles.

It’s a condition called diastasis recti, and it can cause a bulge to appear in your abdomen. Did I mention there’s also something called umbilical hernia?

ID: 1816788

8. Morning sickness.

ID: 1787290

9. Heartburn.

ID: 1787415

10. Hemorrhoids.

ID: 1811227

11. While the baby’s inside you, it gives absolutely zero fucks about kicking and punching.

And sometimes they manage to kick really hard!

ID: 1812359

12. All of this goes on for an excruciating nine months.

ID: 1812317

13. The baby lets you know its ready to come out by discharging or “breaking” water out of your vah-ginee.

ID: 1787238

14. Oh, and when the baby is finally ready to arrive, it will actually rip your body apart.

ID: 1786731

15. When the baby comes out, it’s usually covered in blood and vernix.

Vernix is a waxy white substance that develops in the uterus. Cute.

ID: 1816674

16. After birthing the baby, you also birth the placenta.

ID: 1817036

17. And when the baby’s 14- to 18-inch umbilical cord is cut, your body expels it from you within a half hour.

It just comes out of you, like the baby itself.

ID: 1811321

18. With all of the pushing that happens during childbirth, you might just poop the bed.

ID: 1817022

19. Babies bite your nipples when they feed from you.

ID: 1811279

20. When you’re pregnant, your entire body will give off a warm and unexplained glow.

ID: 1811382

21. A few months after giving birth, though, your hair will start falling out in clumps.

ID: 1811403

22. But after it’s all said and done, you find the beauty in this messy ordeal.

ID: 1816641

23. And if you choose to have a sequel, you can only hope for the best…

ID: 1816648

24. But know that there is probably going to be some more blood…

Let’s just be honest here.

ID: 1812350

Check out more articles on BuzzFeed.com!

  Your Reaction?


    Hot Buzz

    17 Mind-Blowingly Delicious Noodles To Try In NYC


    31 Reasons Potatoes Are The Best Thing At Thanksgiving


    Now Buzzing