23 Things Only Pale People Will Understand

FACT: I can’t get a tan even if I tried. Now can you please rub this SPF on my back?

1. Flash photography is a problem, in general.

“I’m the one who looks like a specter!”

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2. When someone says, “You really need to get a tan,” you have to stop yourself from throwing massive shade.

Though actual shade is always welcome at all times, to be honest.

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3. Or if they ask why you’re so pale, you’ve learned that snark is the best policy.

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4. You know that while a fake tan might look normal on most people, it’s just never gonna work for you.

Fake tan = real orange.

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5. The words pale or pasty make you want to die a little.

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6. You know that wearing anything black will make you look unintentionally goth.

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7. And that sometimes it’s hard to see where your skin ends and the white clothing begins.

Not naked, guys! This white shirt is just flesh colored!

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8. You know that getting a tan is never going to be a thing that happens to you.

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9. The struggle to find a makeup that matches your skin tone is REAL.

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10. And you end up buying something in the “porcelain” and/or “ivory” family.

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11. The larger the hat, the better.

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12. Because the sun and you are basically frenemies.

It’s lovely to have the sun there, until she tries to burn your face off.

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13. It sometimes feels like you’re single-handedly supporting the sunscreen industry.

If anyone breaks into my home, I hope they enjoy stealing my 3-month supply of SPF 100.

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14. Even though you have a love/hate relationship with sunscreen. In that you hate having to shellack it on…

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15. But know that it’s a necessary evil.

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16. Because you don’t need much time to get a sunburn, 5 minutes outside without sunscreen will do the trick.

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17. And when you don’t get sunburned, it feels like high fiving a million angels.

TBS / Via giphy.com
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18. Products that are marketed as “flesh toned” never really are.

How about ivory toned? Is that a thing?

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19. If your friends refuse to find a shaded spot when you’re outside, you will leave them behind.

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20. No matter how hard you try not to blush… IT. JUST. KEEPS. HAPPENING.

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21. You get really excited for winter, because the pale playing field gets even.

Oh, it’s too cold to go outside and tan? Bummer…

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22. And even though you may sometimes wish you could tan…

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23. You’ve learned to embrace the fact that your skin sparkles in the sun.

It’s a pale person/sexy vampire trick. You wouldn’t get it. (Unless you do, in which case, LET’S HANG OUT INSIDE TOGETHER.)

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