1. Flash photography is a problem, in general.
“I’m the one who looks like a specter!”
2. When someone says, “You really need to get a tan,” you have to stop yourself from throwing massive shade.
Though actual shade is always welcome at all times, to be honest.
3. Or if they ask why you’re so pale, you’ve learned that snark is the best policy.
4. You know that while a fake tan might look normal on most people, it’s just never gonna work for you.
Fake tan = real orange.
5. The words pale or pasty make you want to die a little.
6. You know that wearing anything black will make you look unintentionally goth.
7. And that sometimes it’s hard to see where your skin ends and the white clothing begins.
Not naked, guys! This white shirt is just flesh colored!
8. You know that getting a tan is never going to be a thing that happens to you.
10. And you end up buying something in the “porcelain” and/or “ivory” family.
12. Because the sun and you are basically frenemies.
It’s lovely to have the sun there, until she tries to burn your face off.
13. It sometimes feels like you’re single-handedly supporting the sunscreen industry.
If anyone breaks into my home, I hope they enjoy stealing my 3-month supply of SPF 100.
14. Even though you have a love/hate relationship with sunscreen. In that you hate having to shellack it on…
16. Because you don’t need much time to get a sunburn, 5 minutes outside without sunscreen will do the trick.
17. And when you don’t get sunburned, it feels like high fiving a million angels.
18. Products that are marketed as “flesh toned” never really are.
How about ivory toned? Is that a thing?
19. If your friends refuse to find a shaded spot when you’re outside, you will leave them behind.
20. No matter how hard you try not to blush… IT. JUST. KEEPS. HAPPENING.
21. You get really excited for winter, because the pale playing field gets even.
Oh, it’s too cold to go outside and tan? Bummer…