23 Things Only Pale People Will Understand

FACT: I can’t get a tan even if I tried. Now can you please rub this SPF on my back?

1. Flash photography is a problem, in general.

“I’m the one who looks like a specter!”

2. When someone says, “You really need to get a tan,” you have to stop yourself from throwing massive shade.

Though actual shade is always welcome at all times, to be honest.

3. Or if they ask why you’re so pale, you’ve learned that snark is the best policy.

4. You know that while a fake tan might look normal on most people, it’s just never gonna work for you.

Fake tan = real orange.

5. The words pale or pasty make you want to die a little.

6. You know that wearing anything black will make you look unintentionally goth.

7. And that sometimes it’s hard to see where your skin ends and the white clothing begins.

Not naked, guys! This white shirt is just flesh colored!

8. You know that getting a tan is never going to be a thing that happens to you.

9. The struggle to find a makeup that matches your skin tone is REAL.

10. And you end up buying something in the “porcelain” and/or “ivory” family.

11. The larger the hat, the better.

12. Because the sun and you are basically frenemies.

It’s lovely to have the sun there, until she tries to burn your face off.

13. It sometimes feels like you’re single-handedly supporting the sunscreen industry.

If anyone breaks into my home, I hope they enjoy stealing my 3-month supply of SPF 100.

14. Even though you have a love/hate relationship with sunscreen. In that you hate having to shellack it on…

15. But know that it’s a necessary evil.

16. Because you don’t need much time to get a sunburn, 5 minutes outside without sunscreen will do the trick.

17. And when you don’t get sunburned, it feels like high fiving a million angels.

TBS / Via giphy.com

18. Products that are marketed as “flesh toned” never really are.

How about ivory toned? Is that a thing?

19. If your friends refuse to find a shaded spot when you’re outside, you will leave them behind.

20. No matter how hard you try not to blush… IT. JUST. KEEPS. HAPPENING.

21. You get really excited for winter, because the pale playing field gets even.

Oh, it’s too cold to go outside and tan? Bummer…

22. And even though you may sometimes wish you could tan…

23. You’ve learned to embrace the fact that your skin sparkles in the sun.

It’s a pale person/sexy vampire trick. You wouldn’t get it. (Unless you do, in which case, LET’S HANG OUT INSIDE TOGETHER.)

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