2. Hamm’s ham in a lime green onesie? Yes, please!
3. This face: fuckable.
5. I mean, just look at this O-face. JUST. LOOK. AT. IT.
7. He’s just magnificent at wearing a curly wig and thrusting.
Don’t act like you don’t want the D, Biebs.
9. And don’t even get me started on his sad hungover face!
10. What? Like you’ve never gotten wasted and barfed before?
Hey, at least Don-Hamm still looks good doing it.
11. It’s like, even his weird #TBT dating show gifs are radiating HOT.
12. His passive aggressive smize is enough to make Betty swoon on her damn fainting couch.
13. And his “Meh.” eyebrow game is ON. POINT.
14. OK, I legit just blacked out.
15. Not even gonna act like I don’t wish I was Betty White.
She’s getting BACKED UP ON.
16. Finger guns, in general, are douchey. But on Hamm? Sweet sassy molassey.
17. It’s like pretending to be a douche actually makes his hotness ranking HIGHER.
How does he do it? By channeling a d-bag, does his D grow stronger?
18. Driving a car WITH HIS DICK?!?!
19. Kicking Kristen Wiig out after a night of unbridled love sounds?!?!
20. I think Hamm is saying what we’ve all been thinking here: UGHHHHH.
21. For everyone who likes their Hamm with a side of pornstache: here’s a good one for ya.
22. I CAN’T. I CAN’T. I CAN’T. I CANNOT.
23. It must be really nice to be Jon Hamm and know you’re the only person in the world whose O-face ain’t even awkward.
Ain’t complaining, just saying!
24. Bing Bong, Bing Bong, show us your ding dong.
25. When he whines like a little bitch, it’s basically like, “I will be your bitch. Just tell me when to draw the bath.”
26. Eating Ritz crackers in a robe and giving zero fucks? Pretty tasty.
Let me be that Ritz product placement, please.
27. WHO HAS THE JOB OF SMOOTHING A SHEET OVER HIS ASS?!
HOW DO I APPLY.
29. And even when he’s getting his ass licked by Tina Fey: He’s just still so goddamn sexy.
Thank you for being a hero to us all, Hamm.