32 Signs You’re A Hollywood Assistant

You’re rolling calls while reading this.

1. You’ve been asked to “update a grid” before.

ID: 1314115

2. You know that missing a call because you had to use the bathroom isn’t a valid excuse for missing a call.

ID: 1313776

3. Your weekend plans include reading scripts and doing coverage.

ID: 1313663

4. You know the exact time of day to bring coffee into the writers room.

ID: 1313827

5. You get irrationally angry when a client runs late for a meeting, because your boss somehow manages to blame you.

ID: 1314429

6. Drinking at work is not weird; it’s how you survive.

ID: 1314042

7. And you know exactly how your boss takes their drink, because you have to pour it for them before leaving.

ID: 1313757

8. Getting off at 7 p.m. is considered early.

ID: 1313957

9. Pilot season is the most exhausting and terrifying of times.

ID: 1314162

10. This is how people respond when you tell them your salary:

ID: 1314198

11. You’ve stolen food from the kitchen, because the amount you make is a joke.

ID: 1313742

12. You’ve done homework for your boss’s kids.

ID: 1313820

13. Hearing a simple thanks when you hand a client a bottled water makes your day.

ID: 1313934

14. People say horrifying things to your boss over the phone, even though they know you’re listening in.

Doesn’t matter though – assistants aren’t humans. Who cares what they hear?!

ID: 1313781

15. You wake up at 3 a.m. in a cold sweat when you realize you forgot to send a dial-in for a 9 a.m. notes call.

ID: 1313975

16. You have a love-hate relationship with industry drinks.

In that you LOVE drinking, but HATE networking.

ID: 1313822

17. Working through lunch is something you do every damn day, because taking a lunch is frowned upon.

ID: 1313845

18. Your boss expects you to remember emails he sent two years ago, because that’s a totally rational request.

ID: 1313979

19. Rolling calls is the bane of your existence.

ID: 1314195

20. When your non-industry friends bring up an actor or actress this is your response:

ID: 1314223

21. You know every route your boss can take to get from work to dinner, and which one has the least traffic.

ID: 1314296

22. You judge other assistants who wear suits to the office.

ID: 1314345

23. You don’t go see a lot of movies during the year, because you just plan on stealing your boss’s Oscar screeners.

ID: 1314217

24. When you hear an intern complain about picking up lunch, this is you:

ID: 1314364

25. You have your boss’s credit card, expiration date, and security code memorized.

ID: 1314384

26. You fill out a form online at home on a Saturday and start typing your boss’s info before your own.

ID: 1314398

27. You know your boss’s schedule so well, you might as well consider it an open relationship at this point.

ID: 1314090

28. You’ve had to lie to a client and say that your boss is on another call.

But they really just don’t want to talk to them.

ID: 1314813

29. You recognize the same look of misery and despair in someone else and know for certain, they are a Hollywood assistant.

Hello, friend, welcome to my life.

ID: 1313777

30. But it’s all worth it, because someday you’ll be promoted and make actual money.

ID: 1314873

31. And live in a place where it’s beautiful and sunny year round!

ID: 1314883

32. With an assistant of your own to boss around.

Ahhh, Hollywood!

ID: 1314889

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