25 Reasons Why Summer Is The Enemy

I think there’s sunscreen in my mouth?

1. It’s a time of year when you’re literally sweating balls.

2. Because sunburns are the worst thing ever.

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3. SERIOUSLY. HOW DOES THIS EVEN HAPPEN.

4. OH SWEET SASSY MOLASSEY NO.

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5. Not to mention THE PEELING.

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6. It’s so hot outside that the ground will actually catch fire. Repeat: FIRE IS COMING.

7. And get ready to celebrate weird tan line time.

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8. If you’re pale during the summer, it’s like trying to survive the zombie apocalypse.

The sun will eat your flesh if you don’t cover your body in chain metal.

9. And because the sun is no one’s bitch, it means sunscreen. Probably in your eyes, too.

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And in your mouth and your ears and probably up your nose.

10. That pool you’re swimming in? It’s filled with pee. Sorry, but it is.

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11. Same goes for the ocean. And, like, fish poo.

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12. And you pee in the ocean and pool because the public restrooms are filled with sand and barefoot hellishness.

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13. Also, welcome to Croc season, folks.

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Hope you enjoy seeing all that swiss cheese roaming the streets.

14. And “You’ll Be Seeing Everyone’s Hairy Toes” season, in general.

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15. Because you’re wearing less clothing, it means you’ll have to shave more.

16. Even at night it’s sweltering, which means you won’t be sleeping much.

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Sweaty sticky sheets = no rest whatsoever.

17. Bathing suits are just humiliating for everyone, even models.

18. When men wear shorts, get ready to see some THINGS.

NBC / “Friends” / Via imgur.com

I’m talking sweaty balls, folks.

19. And if you’re the one wearing shorts when it’s a zillion degrees out, get ready for chaffing.

20. The blazing sun turns your car seats into a death trap from which there is no escape.

Hartswood Films / Via hoyabetches.tumblr.com

21. Hope you’re making dollas, because your electric bill is about to CLIMB y’all!

22. Forget cuddling. Or having sexy times. It’s too hot.

Darren Star Productions / Via whathighschoolshouldwecallme.tumblr.com

23. You’re drinking so much iced coffee that you legit lose your mind from all the caffeine every day around 3 p.m.

24. Prepare your body to be stung by one of these a-holes.

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Now that it’s nice and warm, the yellow jackets, bees, and hornets are ready to come out.

25. The only foods you can comfortably eat are cold ones, but even they melt into sticky oblivion.

Flickr: subliminal / Via Creative Commons

RIP ice cream cone, I hardly knew ye.

In conclusion: WHEN IS WINTER COMING?!

HBO / Via bustle.com

I miss you, winter.

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