2. Because sunburns are the worst thing ever.
6. It’s so hot outside that the ground will actually catch fire. Repeat: FIRE IS COMING.
7. And get ready to celebrate weird tan line time.
8. If you’re pale during the summer, it’s like trying to survive the zombie apocalypse.
The sun will eat your flesh if you don’t cover your body in chain metal.
9. And because the sun is no one’s bitch, it means sunscreen. Probably in your eyes, too.
And in your mouth and your ears and probably up your nose.
10. That pool you’re swimming in? It’s filled with pee. Sorry, but it is.
11. Same goes for the ocean. And, like, fish poo.
12. And you pee in the ocean and pool because the public restrooms are filled with sand and barefoot hellishness.
13. Also, welcome to Croc season, folks.
Hope you enjoy seeing all that swiss cheese roaming the streets.
14. And “You’ll Be Seeing Everyone’s Hairy Toes” season, in general.
15. Because you’re wearing less clothing, it means you’ll have to shave more.
16. Even at night it’s sweltering, which means you won’t be sleeping much.
Sweaty sticky sheets = no rest whatsoever.
18. When men wear shorts, get ready to see some THINGS.
I’m talking sweaty balls, folks.
19. And if you’re the one wearing shorts when it’s a zillion degrees out, get ready for chaffing.
20. The blazing sun turns your car seats into a death trap from which there is no escape.
21. Hope you’re making dollas, because your electric bill is about to CLIMB y’all!
22. Forget cuddling. Or having sexy times. It’s too hot.
23. You’re drinking so much iced coffee that you legit lose your mind from all the caffeine every day around 3 p.m.
24. Prepare your body to be stung by one of these a-holes.
Now that it’s nice and warm, the yellow jackets, bees, and hornets are ready to come out.
25. The only foods you can comfortably eat are cold ones, but even they melt into sticky oblivion.
RIP ice cream cone, I hardly knew ye.