1. “If you want to be successful, go to college.”
Here’s the thing: some people are great at college — it makes them better. But some people aren’t meant for college.
Oh, and just for fun, here are some folks who never went to college and turned out OK: Abraham Lincoln, Walt Disney, Rachael Ray, Simon Cowell, and John D. Rockefeller.
2. “Just be yourself.”
Yes, you should absolutely be true to yourself. But there is a time and place for things, and not everyone can handle your impression of Lil Bub. (Not everyone is as cool as you.)
3. “Never give up on your dreams!”
… until it’s time to give up and try something else. Not everyone can be a dolphin, after all.
4. “Live each day as if it were your last.”
OK, got it, I’ll deplete my bank account and stock up on the booze and hookers now.
5. “Don’t fight back, they’ll stop if you ignore them.”
Standing up for what you believe in, or yourself, is rarely a bad thing.
6. “Just play the game.”
Great advice. Who needs to be original or thoughtful when you can just go ahead and do what everyone else does?
7. “Good things come to those who wait.”
Still waiting for Taylor Hanson to marry me… but OK.
8. “Grow up.”
If everyone grew up, we wouldn’t have Girls, though… I don’t know. Up your nose with a rubber hose, basically.
9. “Don’t be afraid of the ball.”
Actually, be VERY AFRAID of the ball. I speak from years of baseball to head experience.
10. “Don’t go to bed angry.”
The sentiment here is understandable: it’s best to work through your problems. But sometimes taking the night to sleep and calm down can be extremely helpful.
11. “Break a leg!”
Obviously, this piece of advice shouldn’t be taken verbatim. Basically just don’t follow it.
12. “Don’t worry about it.”
Pretty sure I’m worried for a reason, and don’t tell me how to handle the stress in my life. OK, thank you, goodbye now.
13. “Better safe than sorry.”
This is a fancy way of saying, “don’t take risks.” My advice? Take risks that are worth taking. You’ll be happier in the end, because at least you tried.