Mark Wahlberg’s Campiest Sex Moments In “Fear”

These scenes are so bad, they’re good. Plus, he’s shirtless a lot.

1. This is a fantastically bad film called “Fear,” starring Mark Wahlberg and Reese Witherspoon.

In the movie, Mark plays a kid from the super wrong side of the tracks who gets involved with a very young and naive Reese. They have some eye fucks, some sexy times, and then things get weird. And by weird, I mean Mark sleeps with Reese’s BFF, and tries to kill her whole family.

Even though there are a lot of “sexy” moments, they’re just a little too campy to pull off. You’ll see what I mean.

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2. The roller coaster scene…

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3. This is a moment when Reese and Marky Mark are on a date, or whatever, and he wipes his fingers across her lips before they go for a ride.

That’s hot.

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4. He also does this to her, which is, like, I can’t even handle.

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5. Then they get strapped in, safety first! Still hot.

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6. And then Marky Mark eye-effs the shit out of her.

Get it gurrrl!

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7. And Reese does this… (!!!)

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8. And she’s like, “Oh hell yes.”

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9. And he’s all, “Mmm hmm, I know girrr.”

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10. And just in case you forgot: THEY ARE ON A ROLLER COASTER.

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12. On a scale of one to campy, this is high. I mean, how does his hand stay there perfectly?!

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13. Did I mention that The Sundays cover of “Wild Horses” is playing in the background?


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14. Then we move on to the virginity scene:

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15. Here’s Reese, and she’s waking up because she’s just heard a noise or something.

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16. Oh, right, Mark Wahlberg broke into your bedroom and took all his clothes off. Not. Creepy. At. All.

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17. And then Mark just…goes for it.

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18. And Reese is like, “Yeah, OK, I’m not doing anything else anyways…”

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19. Then there’s this aggressive kissing, which is oddly making me sweat.

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20. OK, losing your virginity hurts. But more importantly, shouldn’t they say a few sentences before boning? No? Just me? OK.

All the same, I would still totally lose my V-card to Marky Mark. Just saying. Creepy or not.

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21. Then things get slightly more…interesting…:

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22. Here’s Mark again, this time going solo. But what’s he doing to his chiseled chest…?

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23. Oh, that’s right, he’s carving “Nicole 4 Eva” into it. Awesome.

And yes, I do mean “4 Eva,” that’s how he spelled it.

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24. Yeah, OK, that is legit insane. But also, look at how that water just sprays onto him so effortlessly.

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25. It’s beautiful, really.


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26. The mall bathroom scene:

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27. This is when Mark has been forbidden to see Reese, so he follows her into a bathroom.

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28. And this happens…

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29. He’s talking about her vagina, folks. While covering her mouth with his hand…

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30. Still talking about her vagina.

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31. And just in case you forgot: THEY ARE IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM IN THE MALL.

That lady is so confused! She just wanted to powder her nose, or whatever!

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Anyone else slightly aroused or…? No? OK.

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