1. A toaster is not a killer robot, bowling ball, or a “hot potato.”
2. Your fish is hungry, and writing passive aggressive notes about it.
11. If you wash someone’s dirty dishes, you get to say whatever the eff you want.
13. If you leave your children unattended, they will have the best time of their life.
Via Flickr: esher27
15. Your friend’s soup is laced with colon cleanser: DON’T EAT IT.
16. If someone gets upset about dog poop, staple some to their sign.
17. If you steal other people’s food, they will leave you a delicious fried chicken leg.
18. Trash cans grow depressed without their bags to keep them warm.
Here Are The Top Stories
- The U.S. government is investigating possible unlawful coordination by some airlines to keep prices high ✈️
- U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry will travel to Cuba later this summer for the opening of a U.S. embassy there.
- The U.S. Episcopal Church, which appointed an out gay bishop in 2003, has voted to let clergy perform religious same-sex marriages.