1. A toaster is not a killer robot, bowling ball, or a “hot potato.”
2. Your fish is hungry, and writing passive aggressive notes about it.
11. If you wash someone’s dirty dishes, you get to say whatever the eff you want.
13. If you leave your children unattended, they will have the best time of their life.
Via Flickr: esher27
15. Your friend’s soup is laced with colon cleanser: DON’T EAT IT.
16. If someone gets upset about dog poop, staple some to their sign.
17. If you steal other people’s food, they will leave you a delicious fried chicken leg.
18. Trash cans grow depressed without their bags to keep them warm.
In The News Today
- Doctors Without Borders is demanding an independent fact-finding mission into the deadly U.S. bombing on its Afghan hospital. ›
- The European Union is now using naval vessels in the Mediterranean to intercept boats that are smuggling refugees and migrants to Europe. ›
- Tomas Lindahl, Paul Modrich, and Aziz Sancar have won the Nobel Prize in chemistry for figuring out how cells repair DNA. ›