6. And then have Janeane Garofalo marry you and your new lover.
8. But know that they won’t live up to those. At. All.
11. And swimming buddies.
15. Taking off your shirt should help with that.
19. Pull out the jazz hands whenever possible.
20. Go into town, even if it’s just for an hour.
21. Trash a Nurse’s office
In The News Today
- Doctors Without Borders says it will leave the Afghan city of Kunduz after airstrikes killed 22 people at its hospital there on Saturday. ›
- At least three people have died in South Carolina due to severe rainfall. More than 11 inches of rain fell on the city in 48 hours. ›
- The World Bank announced that for the first time it is forecasting the rate of extreme global poverty to drop below 10% in 2015. ›