6. And then have Janeane Garofalo marry you and your new lover.
8. But know that they won’t live up to those. At. All.
11. And swimming buddies.
15. Taking off your shirt should help with that.
19. Pull out the jazz hands whenever possible.
20. Go into town, even if it’s just for an hour.
21. Trash a Nurse’s office
Deputy Editorial Director, Cat Wrangler
Here Are The Top Stories
- President Obama will unveil a plan that is considered to be "the strongest action ever taken" in the U.S. to combat climate change.
- California Gov. Jerry Brown called for a state of emergency as wildfires burned thousands of acres by Sunday and forced hundreds of evacuations.
- Citigroup's student loan practices are being investigated as part of a government probe, the company reported in a filing.