1. So, you want to be a goth teen? Great! This is Lydia, and she’s the Princess of the Undead.
Stick with her and you’ll go far in the underworld, kids.
2. Step 1: Make the commitment to go on this goth journey solo, because loneliness is a key ingredient.
3. Step 2: Pick an unusual accessory!
If you don’t have a lace choker lying around, try stringing some spare keys to fishing line. Or anything that makes other people uncomfortable, really.
4. Step 3: Perfect your sullen “Really?” face.
You’ll need to make it every time someone judges you for your lifestyle.
6. And then relate it back to your own goth self.
7. Step 5: Goths prefer darkness, so pick outfits that look best in subdued light.
8. Step 6: In fact, practice a shocked face for when you’re forced to see actual sunlight.
9. Step 7: Become a voracious reader of all things disturbing.
10. Step 8: Always look like you’re filled with anguish and despair.
If you’re having a hard time conjuring up this look, just imagine that your parents are sending you to cheerleading camp all summer. Months filled with smiles, sunshine, and pleated whites. :::shivers:::
11. Step 9: Never EVER smile. Unless you’re in the presence of the undead, and then it’s fine.
But even then, it’s kind of NOT fine!
12. Step 10: When it comes to hair and makeup remember this: BLACK!
13. Step 11: Actually, just remember BLACK for all aspects regarding appearance.
14. Step 12: Get a new hobby that involves taking photos while dressed like a witch.
16. Step 14: Pretty much just hate everything.
18. Step 16: When faced with a “normal” social situation, make everyone around you uncomfortable.
19. Using a line like this should suffice.
20. Final step: Take a dance break, because goths secretly love dancing.
21. Especially to Harry Belafonte.
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