1. Breaking news:
It’s been confirmed that a young cat has entered the ring with a bold adversary named DVD player. What’s unclear at this hour is exactly what the DVD player said and/or did to provoke the cat’s rage. But, based off of the smackdown we’re seeing, it must have been pretty epic.
It’s cat for the adorable win! The cat has emerged victorious! A round of applause for our new champion over the DVD player!
- The CIA has officially—but very quietly—admitted that some allegations about its torture program were true.
- The U.S. government is suing Ferguson, Missouri, after the city tried to change a negotiated police reform settlement.
- New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has dropped out of the 2016 Republican presidential race after poor results in New Hampshire 🇺🇸