A Survival Guide To Online Dating

Because the internet doesn’t have to be as scary as 20/20 makes it seem.

1. Someone you think is kind of cute will start to poke/message/make virtual eyes that suggest they might be interested.

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2. And then they’ll ask you out on a date. You were totally right, as usual.

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3. So go ahead and tell your friends the good news: You’re winning at life.

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4. And even though they might say something like…

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5. Haters gonna hate and, besides, whatever…

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6. Then the big day comes and you’ll spend most of it celebrating how fabulous you are for having a date lined up.

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7. Later it will dawn on you: You’re going to meet a total stranger in a few short hours, and all first dates are nerve-racking, but this one especially because you’re excited about it.

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8. And the inevitable panic sets in.

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9. Actually, it’s scarier than that.

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10. So have one drink beforehand just to calm your nerves a bit.

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11. And if that doesn’t work, then do a shot of something stronger.

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12. In spite of all that liquid courage, you might still be a ball of nervous energy.

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13. And that is OK. Just try to keep the freakouts to yourself and stare at the table if needed.

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14. Until they walk in and then you can look up!

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15. If they look completely different from their profile photos, it’s perfectly acceptable to do this…

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16. But if they look even halfway normal you’re just going to be like this inside…

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17. Again, try to keep cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

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18. And let them buy you a drink.

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19. Because it’s still a blind date and it will be awkward, at some point.

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20. For example, they could say something a little creepy.

Or maybe you’re into lying down with cats — who are we to judge!

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21. Or give you eyes that suggest they might be a serial killer.

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22. Or become totally inappropriate in a way that lets you know they’ve probably never had sex before.

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23. In which case, it’s OK to do something like this…

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24. Or take it a step further with this move…

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25. And when they ask you out for another date, come up with some wonderful excuse as to why you can’t make it.

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26. But sometimes the more you drink, the cuter a person can get.

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27. And you might feel like you’re making a real connection here.

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28. And maybe at the end of the night you’ll kiss, or maybe you won’t — but either way, make sure they’ve got your number.

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29. Then go home and fall asleep with the knowledge that they are most definitely going to call.

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30. And when you don’t hear from them the next day you might feel like…

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31. And your friends who have been through the ringer will say something like…

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32. While the friends who are hopeless romantics will offer up…

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33. Either way, just listen to what Jamie Lee Curtis is saying here.

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34. Because love is a battlefield.

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35. And regardless of what happens, you’re putting yourself out there, and in the end, that is awesome.

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36. Even if it doesn’t work out, you will date again.

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37. Because there are plenty of other fish in the online sea.

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38. And plenty of Ryan Gosling GIFs to stare at until you find The One.

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39. Plenty. Of. Them.

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40. You know what, maybe Ryan Gosling’s your Mr. Right. Think about that.

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