1. Everyone, this is Joe Carroll from The Following. Joe, say hello to everyone!
[Insert British accent here.]
2. In the spirit of full disclosure—you may want to sit down for this—Joe’s a serial killer.
3. But, like, a pretty hot one, right?
Mmm killer lips.
5. And he’s got that weird obsession with Edgar Allan Poe.
Quoth the Raven: Get a new muse!
6. But he’s also a scholarly professor!
8. And orange is an oddly flattering color on him.
Prison orange, to be specific.
12. Dang boo, you need me to fill up that glass or what?
13. Sometimes he cheats on his wife*.
*Who’s technically his ex-wife, but that’s just semantics, really.
16. ALRIGHT, I’M ABOUT TO BLACKOUT SO SOMEONE CALL 9-1-1.
17. Other times, he and K-Bacon eye fuck the hell out of each other.
18. And yes, I realize that he is STILL a serial killer.
Who sometimes likes to keep creepy souvenirs from his victims.
19. Who’s cultivating a following of other killers for terrifying things.
His followers are pretty hot too. Just saying.
21. All Joe wants is someone to love…
And choke to death…
23. Because deep down, Joe is a man who genuinely cares…
24. …about killing.
25. And looking fresh to death while he does it.
No pun intended!
- U.S. President Barack Obama and leaders from 20 nations called for doubling clean energy research funding over the next five years at the Paris climate summit 🌍 ›
- The man accused in Friday's Planned Parenthood shooting in Colorado made his first court appearance. Charges are expected to be formally filed on Dec. 9. ›
- And there's a hilarious new rap meme of Pope Francis, thanks to a photo taken over the weekend of him giving his blessing 🙏🎤 ›