14 Kinds Of Men To Avoid Dating In Los Angeles

Love is a battlefield, but we’ve got your back!

1. The Peter Pan writer boy who loves his typewriter

Where you’ll find them: These men are far too busy working on their novel/screenplay/pilot/beat poem to go out very often. You’ll find them on dating sites, stocking up on canned soup in Trader Joe’s, and staring out their apartment window and directly into yours. (For inspiration.)

Pickup line they’ll use: “Uhhh…”

How to repel them: Say something along the lines of, “Do people still read?” or “I only watch reality TV.” That’ll do the trick.

2. The guy who has a podcast

Where you’ll find them: Talking loudly about their podcast in a Starbucks, or posting about it incessantly on Twitter.

Pickup line they’ll use: “Want to be on my podcast?”

How to repel them: Tell them that while they may have a face for radio, you do not.

3. The Transformer on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

Where you’ll find them: Circling Hollywood Boulevard and Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, or posing with smiling tourists.

Pickup line they’ll use: “Photos cost a dollar, but a date with me is free.”

How to repel them: Tell them you’re not at all photogenic, sorry!

4. The actor who carries around his headshots at all times

Where you’ll find them: Next to a mirror.

Pickup line they’ll use: “Who’s your agent?”

How to repel them: Ask him if his headshot is always so grainy looking, or if that’s just the way his skin is.

5. The sensitive guy who wants to talk about your feelings, but is secretly a Scientologist

Where you’ll find them: In the science fiction section of Barnes & Noble, the khaki aisle of the Gap, or in front of the Scientology Celebrity Centre.

Pickup line they’ll use: “Do you feel stressed?”

How to repel them: Tell them you’re a psychiatrist and self medicating. Heavily.

6. The guy who only knows how to communicate through name-dropping

Scott Gries / Getty Images

Where you’ll find them: At super trendy spots where paparazzi hide in the bushes.

Pickup line they’ll use: “Have you ever been to the Chateau? I saw Bruce Willis drive by there once.”

How to repel them: You know what, just walk away. Or run. Actually, yeah, run like hell.

7. The struggling comedian who’s secretly depressed

Where you’ll find them: Lurking outside of comedy clubs, scribbling on pieces of paper at open mic nights, and being the loud, obnoxious type at a bar.

Pickup line they’ll use: They’ll likely spot you in a crowd and make you the butt of a joke, like an asshole.

How to repel them: Tell them your favorite comedian is Carrot Top.

8. The agent in training

Where you’ll find them: They’ll be the guy at the sports bar, wearing a suit and drinking a Coors Light.

Pickup line they’ll use: “Where do you work?”

How to repel them: Tell them you heard their phone ring and, when they go to check it, hide under a bar stool until they leave.

9. The unemployed surfer who lives near the beach

Where you’ll find them: Shirtless on the beach and refusing to venture outside of Venice.

Pickup line they’ll use: “I’d love to take you out on the waves some time.”

How to repel them: Say, “I’m allergic to the sun,” or “I can’t swim.”

10. The man who has custody of the tiny dog he and his ex adopted

Where you’ll find them: Looking sad while walking laps around a dog park.

Pickup line they’ll use: Something that starts with, “When we, I mean, my ex and I…”

How to repel them: Allude to the fact that you can relate, because you cheated on your last boyfriend and now you also have an ex!

11. The professional waiter who’s bitter about never making it as an actor, but still hopeful he’ll someday get his big break

Where you’ll find them: Serving you breakfast, lunch, and dinner at all Los Angeles restaurants.

Pickup line they’ll use: “My number’s on the back.” (Of your bill.)

How to repel them: Tell them you were just cast as the lead in Kathryn Bigelow’s next film, and watch as their expressive eyes fill with envious tears.

12. The pretentious director with ego for days

Where you’ll find them: At your local indie theater; sitting alone with their thoughts.

Pickup line they’ll use: “Who’s your favorite director?”

How to repel them: Simply say, “Not you.”

13. The social media guru who’s positive that his Twitter/blog/Instagram will get him an agent

Where you’ll find them: In a loud coffee shop with their laptop open and an iPhone poised for action.

Pickup line they’ll use: “What’s your Twitter handle?”

How to repel them: Tell them you own a Blackberry.

14. The older man who’s incredibly successful

Larry Busacca / Getty Images

Where you’ll find them: They’ll be the ones at an exclusive party, flanked by impossibly beautiful women and wearing something that you wish you’d worn, like loafers and a robe.

Pickup line they’ll use: “Do you like black and white movies?

How to repel them: Respond with, “Is that, like, a new kind of Vine?”

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