Why You Should Invite Blake Anderson To Your Next Kegger

The frizzy-haired star of Workaholics would be fun at parties, you have to admit.

1. He’d definitely show up to your party in the best shirt ever created.

Christopher Polk / Getty Images

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images


Resist the urge to ask if you can borrow it.

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2. He would almost certainly BYOB.

Because he’s a fucking gentleman.

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3. He’d pick out some righteous party tunes.

He’s an experienced music-listener.

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4. His dance moves would most definitely get things going.

All kinds of things.

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5. I’m sure he’d do his world famous dog impression if you asked nicely.

What a party trick!

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6. Or his impression of a really nice guy.

You have to use your imagination.

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7. If things got boring, he’d entertain your guests with the story about the time he broke his back jumping off a roof.

“On December 17, 2011, Anderson required surgery after fracturing his spine during a house party by jumping from his roof onto a beer pong table.” —The most epic Wikipedia entry of all time.

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8. If you were lucky, he’d let you play with his pet dragon.

That’s not a euphemism.

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9. And he’d probably let you try on his bear coat.

I mean, he let Conan try it on.

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10. He’d have the beerballs to tell off that guy everyone secretly hates and get him to leave.

You’ve been wanting to say that for years, haven’t you?

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11. Things would eventually get weird.

Which is EXACTLY what you had hoped for.

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12. And everyone would be like, THIS IS THE BEST PARTY EVER.


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13. Right then, Blake would leave dripping in pussy.

Not that pussy, you perve. He’s married to a total babe.

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14. And you would be like, Thank you, Blake Anderson, patron saint of boogy-downs.

This truly has been the best party ever.

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15. OH, one more thing. If he asks if he can bring friends tell him YES.

A thousand times yes.

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