1. Mixing beer with cider.
It’s called a snakebite, and it will get you dancing on tables in no time.
2. Taking four weeks’ paid vacation
That’s twice as many days off, which explains why the Brits are half as likely to have public meltdowns on the subway.
3. Incorporating Yorkshire pudding in our dinners.
They’re little savory dough cups to fill with gravy and food before shoving into your mouth-hole. We’ve been eating dinner wrong this whole time.
4. Cursing on TV after 9 p.m.
Shoot, these mamajamas know what’s up.
5. Eating biscuits (cookies) with coffee or tea.
Like custard creams, which are like the blonde cousin of the Oreo but twice as delicious.
7. Embracing “wet cakes,” like trifle.
Cakes are great but that flour stuff really gets in the way of the gooey deliciousness.
8. Legally drinking at 18.
Old enough to go to war but not old enough to drink a beer? There’s something wrong with that.
9. Watching Peep Show.
We’ve adopted so much British television already, the self-deprecating dry comedy Peep Show is an obvious next step.
10. The ability to buy alcohol at any hour of the night.
Twenty-four hour newsagent = twenty-four hour beers. In some parts of our great nation you can’t get a beer after 9 p.m. Nine! P.M.!
11. Seeing boobs in the news.
Well, we could probably leave the page three girls to The Sun, but the U.S. could use a more relaxed attitude toward nudity in the media.
12. Lax open-container laws.
Imagine a world where you can chug a beer on the subway, sip a cider on the street, or knock back a bottle of merlot in the park. That magical kingdom exists, you guys. The United Kingdom.
Pastries, sandwiches, bread, salads, soups, bread, pastas, desserts, bread, and bread. Sometimes they’re open 24 hours.
14. Using a coin system that makes sense.
The only coin in U.S. currency inscribed with a numerical amount is the nickel, and it literally says the words “five cents.” How unhelpful is that to the illiterate or tourists? Or illiterate tourists!
16. Donkey rides on the beach.
Why the eff not?
17. Eating fries with curry sauce.
For those who require more of a kick than ketchup.
18. Cheese rolling
Which is where grown humans throw their bodies down a steep hill to capture a wheel of cheese. Whoever wins gets £1000 (but most importantly, free cheese).
19. Offering the full English breakfast as a menu option.
Because one meat at breakfast isn’t enough of meats.
20. Speaking with dat accent.
Every human being* loves a British accent.
21. Throwing parades that don’t suck.
Like the Caribbean Carnivals, which are more like a giant street party and less like people marching somberly down the road.
22. Signs that notify you when the next train is coming.
Or a more efficient rail system in general.
23. Accepting a range of ideologies.
There’s good old Charles Darwin on the 10-pound note. That shit would never fly in America.
24. Shopping at markets.
We need more markets.
25. Writing the date in a way that makes logical sense.
We’re blowing it, you guys.
26. Embracing the comedy of Monty Python.
This should be mandatory viewing for all U.S. citizens.
27. Free museums that are actually free.
Not suggested-donation-of-$29-and-I’ll-give-you-a-look-if-you-decline-to-donate free. Actually free.
28. Offering affordable tuition fees (or FREE tuition, like in Scotland).
In buildings that look like this!
29. Producing people who look like this:
We could use a few of these in America.